At this point, you may be all Olympic-ed out. If that's the case, as coach Ditka once said, STOP IT! Olympic Correspondent Royer is here to help make sense of what we've seen so far and what to look for in the last few days of competition. Enjoy it, it'll be another 4 years until we care about handball or water polo again...
Medal Count Analysis
Hello USA/Olympic/Bear Enthusiasts. The Olympics are winding
down. We are seeing some great team sport finals and the Spice Girls are
unfortunately getting ready to reunite. I’ll take this time to discuss the
medal count table. Bob Costas usually flashes it real quick at 11:59pm every
night but I’m going to take your through some highlights of how the top countries
are getting their medals.
1)
USA-Current Count 90 (39 Gold)
We got 31 swimming medals and currently have 24 Track and
Field medals. Sic wit it. Michael Phelps is getting ready for a return to
bartering where gold rules while the women’s sprinters & swimmers could
probably make an Olympic medal bridge home at this point. We also got 6
gymnastics medals, many thanks to Boston’s golden girl Aly Raisman. Beyond
these three sports there are no other individual sports that we can really
claim powerhouse status. 4 shooting medals isn’t bad and 3 diving is a step in
the right direction of returning to greatness but we have our two good sports
and we are damn good at them. We could probably do for a little development in
other sports. Why don’t we race walk more often? We have lots of roads and I’m
pretty sure half the country already practices when trying to avoid talking to
people on the street or beat that family of seven onto the train.
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| Editor- I don't get this picture? Are we trading fish for grain or gold? Wha? |
China’s medal count looks dramatically different. They
have 6-7 sports with 6-10 medals. Badminton, Diving, Gymnastics, Shooting,
Swimming, Table Tennis & Weightlifting. Their strength is in the precision
sports that require some accuracy or strength. Swimming seems to be the odd man
out in this group because it is pure speed or endurance. Also missing from
their list is any team sport that involves a ball. Starting learning to share
China.
3)
Russia-Current Count 57 (12 Gold)
Russia’s big medal hauls are in gymnastics and track
& field. They also have a handful of judo, weightlifting & wrestling
medals. They have recently taken over the third spot in the medal counts from
the home team and seem to be picking up medals slowly yet surely. In Olympic
history they have 1 archery medal. They should start getting all Katnissed up
in their massive country of woods and animals and start bringing home some of
those medals. (They should also stop dressing up their Olympians like Bjork)
4)
Great Britain-Current Count 53 (25 Gold)
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| Editor- Actually this kid is Dutch (Feynoord is a futbol club in Rotterdam, duh!), but you get the idea, hooligans! |
I personally think the medal count should have some sort
of weighted system to take into account gold medals because GB is packing gold
while Russia is packing bronze. The home team has a decent spread of medals
with 9 in rowing and cycling. Second highest is sailing and track. I like it.
They are winning lots of very British medals. I think they should start putting
a lot more energy into combat sports so they can say “Bully” when punching
people in the face or while round house kicking. They just need to focus all
the aggressive energy soccer hooligans have and put into getting gold medals.
And not that you can be “losing” the medal count but…
7) Australia-Current Count 30 (7 Gold)
Australia has taken a serious dive in their medal count
from their recent Olympic medal history. Unsurprisingly swimming took the lead
with 10 but it is a huge disappointment for them considering only one is gold.
They also have 5 rowing and 5 cycling being a former British colony and all.
(America forged its own Olympic sport path, suck it Aussies) But I’m pretty
sure the kangaroos are about to revolt and things are not looking up down under
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/09/sports/olympics/olympic-medal-count-can-be-daily-source-of-discontent.html?pagewanted=all.
My suggestion: go for more water sports besides just swimming. You are an
island. You need to learn to sail and row better if you want to visit your
neighbors anyway.
Friday
Men’s 4 x 400 Meters: The US has won it 7 consecutive
times but did not have a single individual in the 400. Smells like trouble.
Women’s Field Hockey: Netherlands versus Argentia. I
distinctly remember Netherlands being the hot team. Royer’s Prediction: Netherlands for the gold.
Women’s 4 x 100 Meters: In Beijing we fucked up and
dropped the baton. We best have done some practicing. Royer’s Prediction: USA gets revenge and wins the gold.
Saturday
Women’s Basketball: USA has scored over 100 points more
than any other team, it will be hard for them to loose. Royer’s Prediction: Gold for USA Bronze for Australia
Rhythmic Gymnastics All Around: Ribbon dancers, clubs,
hoola hoops, kick-balls & ropes. Apparently a Russian woman dominates. One
of the more bizarre ones.
Women’s 800: South African Castor Semenya has faced a lot
of controversy with gender tests and is probably itching to show people up. Royer’s Prediction: Semenya for the gold.
Sunday
Men’s Volleyball: Returning gold medal champs took an
uneremonial exit in the quarterfinals leaving the door wide open. Royer’s
Prediction: Gold-Brazil, Silver-Russia, Bronze-Italy
Men’s Marathon: Ryan Hall listens to Moby Fuckin Dick
when he runs. How can he not do well. Royer’s
Prediction: Hall in the top 5.
Women’s Modern Pentathlon: The ultimate rich person
sport. Royer’s Prediction: British get
another hometown gold with Mhairi Spence.
Royer’s Prediction Scorecard
Correct: 12
In the ballpark but still wrong: 8
Not even close: 5
Also, my new favorite blog: http://mckaylaisnotimpressed.tumblr.com/
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