This Month in Bear News:
In Japan, a group of six bears planned and executed a jailbreak, escaping by climbing on snow drifts to jump the fence around from their enclosures. Upon escaping the bears proceeded to straight up murder two old ladies whose job was to feed the bears (dark joke: those ladies took their jobs quite literally... too much?). The bears were slow to escape from the murder scene and were quickly straight up revenged murdered themselves.
In California and I'm sure everywhere else, apparently people like to text while walking down the street oblivious to what's going on around them. While this may not be as dangerous as texting while driving, this California Bro found out that bears too, are particularly annoyed by oblivious texters getting in their way, as this Good-Samaritan-Bear ventured into the suburbs to help stop the text-walkers plaguing our street. (courtesy of Channel K):
A research team in Germany wasted every one's time and reported that according to DNA samples (I am willing to estimate at least 4 people died retrieving said DNA), big shock coming, brace yourself... polar bears are distantly related to brown bears, having a common ancestor 600,000 years ago. Surprise everyone! Bears that are white are distant relations to bears that are brown, SCIENCE!
Bears have descended upon Northampton, Massachusetts, apparently feeding on trash and other foods left outside, trashing, literally trashing, peoples yards across town. The chief compliant, mind you, so far has been the bears messing with their lawns, "Bears have destroyed her wooden trash enclosure and crushed her landscape lighting." WHAT?!?!? She'll definitely have to make a Home Depot run, now there won't be enough time for Bed Bath & Beyond!!! OUTRAGE!!! Residents have been incensed at the property damage, but no physical altercations have yet occurred. One lady thought it was a good idea to go so far as to talk to the bears... great idea lady, maybe if you talk long enough you can nag the bears out of town. (thanks to Craig for the article)
A grizzly bear has been accused of murdering 6 steers on a Montana ranch, located on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation. While no direct evidence points to this particular bear, a biologist says he's 90% sure the bear they caught with a baited snare is the culprit. (Various lawyerings and such:...) Well sir, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?!? The biologist is shit out of luck in this court though, with no DNA, semen, or video evidence, there's no way to know exactly who murdered those steers. If the glove (paw print?) doesn't fit, you must acquit! Lucky for this bear, they snare was meant for a different bear, a known to be a livestock murder being tracked with a microchip, so the state of Montana has given this grizzly a second chance. What is this grizzly having for lunch today
This month's questionable life-choices-maker is this guy: (courtesy of Tommy)
Finally, California officials have concluded that a man who claimed a bear saved him during a mountain lion attack is not only crazy, but a liar. The 69 year old man, claimed to have been staring at the bear "as if they were old friends" moments before a mountain lion attacked him, when the "mama bear" pulled the lion off him, saving his crazy-ass. The reports were picked up by the
Sidebar: Listen guy, I get it, your 69 years old and bored as hell, so you go on a hike and maybe take spill, how embarrassing. No one cares about a plain old hike, but what better way to spruce up retirement with a some story of a bear saving you from a lion to impress the ladies down at bingo, maybe get yourselves on the local news. I got you... too bad msnbc is such a ball-buster, come on national media, let the 69 year-old impress his lady friends with a harrowing tale of animal friendship. BTW, if the bear was driving off the lion, it was so she could eat you herself... (thank you Royer for the article)
Other things:
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| Obligatory Cruise Ship in the background shot w/ B |
- I made it back from the cruise to Mexico and back.
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| YUM, Laura really like beignets? |
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| Hand Grenades! |
- New Orleans is an amazing city, you should all go! There were hand grenades and beignets and plenty of other things to do and see, TOURISM!!!!
- Apartment hunting is so much easier for guys, ladies your standards compared to mine are like skyscrapers compared to a two story motel down by the train tracks... (watch out Back Bay, Sept. 2012)
- Good work on the marathon Jesse and all the other marathoners out there, that was some serious heat to run real far in. I hope the trip to Sonic afterwards made it worth Jesse's exhaustion!
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| Jesse's Support Team at Cleveland Circle |
- Philpott made it back to China, horay! Still no confirmation what it's like if cats were actually Korean (sorry, inside joke, stupid)
- Congrats to my brother for his hard work on IPV in Ethiopia, I'm willing to volunteer to read it aloud for an audio book version, I promise I'll do the voices and everything...
- GO BRUINS!!!
Olympic Correspondent Royer has informed me that there's a possibility of an 8 month pregnant lady competing in shooting from Malaysia.
This week's pre-Olympic betting odds: Most overall medals for a Scandinavian country-> Early Favorite-Sweden @ -150 (but I like Norway as a dark horse)
