Euro 2012 and Local Bear News

Nick Watches the Euros 2012
This month, while I am not exactly following the financial goings on of Europe, I have been watching the Euros, the European Championship of Futbol (or Soccer, AMERICA!).  I follow the sport regularly, so I was anticipating the tournament well before June came around.  If you asked me who was to win at the start, I went with Germany (ask Juan if you need a reference) and I'm sticking with my pick.  
Why did I pick Germany? Was it because they've finished second or third in the past 3 major tournaments?...Nope. Because they're ranked 3rd in the world?...No. Cuz they've got a hip, stylish coach?...does that even help in this situation? Because they were placed in the group of death?...That's not even a good reason, NO!  I picked Germany because it is so much fun to yell all the German players names (I dare you to try to take a nap in my apartment during a Germany game, you'd be like zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzBadstuber!!! AAAAAblitzkriegAAAAA!!!! [btw, I have been working on my impression of you sleeping...]) and if I figure, since AMERICA isn't admitted to this function, I'd end up rooting for a good team going deep into the tournament, why not have a lot of fun yelling?  

Here are my additional thoughts now that the group stage is complete:

• Boo Group A! Weakest group I've ever seen. But you can tell Greece is really working hard for that prize money they give to the winning team...
• I convinced myself that Ireland had a chance to win a game, sadly not to be.  While their team was not as skilled, their fans are world-class.
• I underestimated the Croatian fans' propensity to smoke and lights.  They win the award for setting off the most flares in a game.
• I love the faces England manager Roy Hodgson makes, just wait for the knockout stage, he'll give us a few gems for sure!
• Portugal, you're still the worst!  You all complain, flop, dive, play dead, and cut your hair in silly ways too much!  *to be fair, a lot of the teams do all these same exact things, but I like to pick on Portugal, its just my thing*
• Best hair of the tournament goes to Ukraine's #2 Yevgen Selin.  Yeah I saw your rat-tail against England, I see what you did there. Somehow I think you've moved Ukrainian fashion forward by a decade with that, good work?

In anticipation for the knockout stages that begin tomorrow, I've devised a game for those you to play who aren't so interested in the game of soccer, but rather are firm enthusiasts of European culture to follow along with the action.  Here's how it works:

1. For each team playing pick a food, drink, and a dance from that country's culture.  You may have to look up some of this stuff and prepare for the more random countries.  For example, France: for food you have crepes, for drink you get some French wine, and (according to the Wikipedia machine) the can-can originated in Paris so there's your dance.
2. Every time that country's fans in the stands are featured on TV, you dance while they're shown.
3. Every time that country commits a foul or complains to the ref, eat some of the food.
4. Every time that country scores, you take a drink.

Not only will you be sick from dancing with all the food and drink, you can consider yourself extremely cultured, also thankful that the Russians are out because eating borscht, drinking vodka, and attempting Russian ballet moves would be difficult to last a full 90 minutes.

This Week in Bear News {New England Edition}:
In New Hampshire, a woman was attacked by a black bear when see went to let her dog out at 10pm on Saturday night. Apparently she was making pot roast, which attracted the bear, then she let her dog out which obviously startled the bear. What's this lady really up to, seriously, why was this woman making pot roast at 10pm at night and why would you taunt the bears and then sic your dog on them?  Listen liberal media, I'm going with self-defense for this bear, you can't be making pot roast late at night and not expect the bears to come over.  But by far the biggest story in this case is the strategy the wildlife officers charged with capturing the bear plan to use.  They are going to use donuts to trap the bear... seriously guys?!? We already know this bear likes pot roast! WTF, just use pot roast guys, duh! Now it looks like a conspiracy to buy more donuts...

This guys obviously wants some pot roast

Also, the male black bear on Cape Cod was captured and relocated last week after his vacation to Provincetown was cut short by wildlife officials. Previously, there hadn't been a bear on Cape Cod in well over a century.  Thus making this bear the Rosa-Parks-of-bears-who-go-to-Cape-Cod-who-definitely-weren't-looking-for-a-female-bear-even-thought-its-definitely-bear-mating-season....

Olympic Countdown: 36 Days
This week's pre-Olympic Betting Odds: total # of gold medals won by all African nations +/- 10

Guest Blog: Love questions for Dr. Jeffrey Woodcock

NS: Ladies and Gents, this week I was able to kick off the first of hopefully many guest blogs to come.  I sat down with the doctor of love, Dr. Jeffrey Woodcock for a Q & A about love, relationships and other stuff that makes people giggle.  As a regular practitioner of love and such, I trust his answers to be scientifically exact and factually correct, having said that, welcome Dr. Woodcock.

JW: First let’s get the disclaimer out of the way. There’s no academic degree (that I know of) for love so I’m not a real doctor but I have dem credentials; I’ve been in love a few times and could write you a sonnet if you need one. I’ve taken plenty of romantic shots that didn’t work out but I’ve learned from them. I once had a girl poop her bed  when we were getting into it FWIW.

NS: FWIW is wish you were dressed like Dr. Mario, but then you'd throw large colorful pills everywhere, making people fall in love like that flying baby with a bow and arrow, and lets be honest, bears could prolly smell that and then we'd all be at risk.  But lets talk about love...

JW: What’s with all this love business anyway? I thought this guest blog was going to be about dating and Sex? If you want to make this a regular thing (by regular thing, he means dating and sex, along with love questions), hit me with those questions for round 2.  Falling in love is easy, the work is in preparing yourself to give love and deal with the ways that loving will change you. You might flame out or flail around in it  but you don’t fall out of  love. Part of you exists in that which you love. 

NS: Well, obvious starting point, what is love?

JW: People will probably disagree with me and that’s fine as long as their view on love is valid/true and not just something they read and repurposed. Love, IMO,  is the willingness to give a part of yourself to something or someone without the promise of anything in return.  The connection made with the object of your love is a currency that proves that you exist. Having loved is to be validated, so love will never going out of style. The way people love will change and might get weird, but love itself is timeless.

NS: Moving on, can you buy love?

JW: Nope. Sex is something that is often associated with love because it often is shared between people who love each other. Don’t discount the huge difference between sex/sleeping with a person/fucking/making love as they are completely different. The same association holds for presents and chocolates and words like “baby”. Some of these things (including sex) can be bought, but don’t intrinsically carry love.

Money is necessary to find things that you can love. You might love race-car driving and will never know unless you spend the money to drive a race car.  You can use money to put yourself in a position where love can come to you.

NS: Does love ever go on sale?

JW: Love can come in waves, but since you can’t buy love it doesn’t really go on sale. There are times that people are more open to the idea of loving (springtime, after historic events)  so I’ll call those sales and for the sake of continuing the metaphor the currency to buy love is awesomeness and not USD.

NS: What's the difference between loving a person or an animal and loving something inanimate but still awesome-sauce, like potato chips (as in "dude, I love these chips!")?

JW: Communication is a best-effort practice. When people discuss an emotion or a feeling, there aren’t words to describe the exact state they wish to convey. Using the word in two contexts;  “I love my grandmother’s cooking” and “I love my best friend” demonstrates the same word  taking the place of two very different ideas. If I tell you I love you, it really could be followed by “do you know what I mean?” which is a rhetorical question because you think you know what I mean, but it’s impossible to be exactly correct.

The biggest difference in the different types of love you describe is the social acceptability of the manifestation of your love.  Sex is a common expression of romantic love, but would be a completely inappropriate expression of love for potato chips. Don’t try to stick it in a Pringles can or in your TV when your favorite music video starts playing. There are different types of loves to be expressed. Companionship love (whether romantic or as friends) comes from a recognition of  the same kind of person as yourself. They can have the same values or the same sense of crazy. This type of love will help you explore who you are without feeling estranged (and isn’t that the whole point?) Object love is more one sided than that. So is the love of a pursuit. I was talking to a friend recently about how unsuccessful Van Gogh was during his life. He must have had no friends and no money and everyone would have been telling him how much his art sucked but he kept doing it. He loved painting, and without that love his life would have been invalid and he wouldn’t have created anything.

NS: Where's the best or worst place to meet potential people to love?

JW: This obviously depends on not only the type of love, but on the person searching. Either way, having an open mind/heart is the biggest pre-requiste to finding anything that’s worth finding. Back up, that didn’t answer your question whatsoever (I hate when people skirt around hard questions) so let’s approach this by a process of elimination.

■      First we take out places that restrict love is from peeping out(nightclubs and casinos are too seedy, factories are too loud, highway reststops are too dirty.)

■      Then, take out places where people don’t fully express themselves (doctors offices are too serious, work people area always pretending to be different than they are.)

■           Some examples of what we have left: 80’s music dance parties- people fully let out all the good in them at those- resorts/hostels (people are open minded and stress free while on vacation) and really anywhere that’s personal to the individual. If you’re favorite author is speaking- check it out and talk to some people there.

NS: Why does gravity not apply to "falling in love"?

JW: Who said it doesn’t? Gravity is a force that keeps physical things heading in the same direction. Love does the same thing, at least for like minded individuals. Astronauts probably have a strange take on love. People get depressed when their giving/receiving proportions get unbalanced. Forces (maybe not gravity) keep people in control.

NS: Is it a bad idea to fall in love too fast?

JW: I have a friend who falls in love once a week. He’s a nomad ( spiritually, physically, emotionally) and it’s not an issue because he’s willing to live as intensely as he loves.

A lot of times when you care and then get hurt, you don’t want to put your whole heart on the line the next time around. It’s tough to love again and that’s ok to fall fast as long as you’re conscious.  The mistake I made the first time around is putting all of myself into something that I loved instead of leading with the best parts of myself and letting the rest follow.

NS: How do you know if you're falling in love or in actual love?  Is it when gravity has had enough and smacks you in the face?

JW: New is always exciting. You can fall in love with the idea of a person and then dating is the process of reconciling who a person might be with who they actually are. When a person/thing has turned out to be something different than you were expecting and you aren’t disappointed- you’re not falling anymore.

NS: Would you rather love only people wearing the color blue or not be able to love anything from the state of Ohio ever again?

JW: Wasn’t there a Hawthorne Heights song about this? I guess that song was the the exact opposite of it. I’ll take the latter: I like plenty of things from OH (I.O!) but don’t know that I love any.

NS: If love was an Olympic sport, which country would win the gold medal?

JW: France would get DQ’d for doing some nasty kinky stuff  that can’t fly on network TV, or even the internet (but maybe on the dark web.)

Greece would be in the running. Greeks love hard. I had a big crush on a Greek girl once. I had asked her to go to a concert, and she said no. The next day we were getting food and this other friend came up and (not realizing it was her) asked me why the girl I liked wasn’t coming to the concert. It was awkward. Greece doesn’t quite have the gunpower so I’ll give them the bronze. New Zeland would make a dark horse run at it with their laid back loyalty, but that’ll only get them silver. I say Brazil takes it home- smart money is on the beautiful passionate women. 

NS: With that, I want to thank Dr. Woodcock for his time, and we encourage everyone to submit their own questions (via comments, email, owl (for Harry Potter fans), and your local rabies-free feline messenger service) for Dr. Woodcock for next time.