An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies

An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies:
As March comes to a close, the madness subsiding, your bracket busted and your ego bruised, we take stock of how many hours we wasted picking, where guessing at random or flipping a coin may have served you better, who can jump higher or shoot a basketball or straight up cheat their way to victory.  My guessing skills would've been better spent picking teams based on how their mascot would fare in a fight against an angry mother grizzly bear, alas, my bracket was indeed busted, but the madness continued.  Juan picked all the high seeds, Big Brown picked all the religious schools, but Natty was the smartest, he didn't pick at all.  I was fortunate enough to watch the 15-seed Mountain Hawks kicked the chair out from under Duke along side a Lehigh graduate, which was followed by shots and jump start to St. Patrick's Day weekend.  Baylor's jerseys hurt my corneas real good, Charles Barkley hurt my ears real bad (but I could watch him play golf all day...), and my debts have amounted to $5 to the office pool, 1 girly cocktail to a friend, and a balance due of a fraction of a brunch that must contain at least 2 breakfast meats to qualify.  Yet as the final weekend of the delirium of b-ball approaches, I cannot escape the madness.  Unbeknownst to me at the time of booking, my spring vacation brings us through New Orleans, the site of the culmination of my poor bracket choices, so as to wipe the misfortune of UNC's point guards broken wrist in my face one last time as a Kansas fan will undoubtedly puke all over my new shoes (their pumps, nbd, ninja turtle colors, Michelangelo duh!).  So as the hoops comes to a close this weekend, I will be on a boat ship, somewhere on the body of water that BP treats like their own toilet bowl, happily ignoring the conclusion to tournament that has taken so much attention and brainpower.  And when I awake on the Tuesday morning after the final game, I will be still stuck in my own madness, enduring a trip to Mexico and back in the burrito deficient reality I have committed myself to until Easter.

This Week's Movie Review: I asked Juan how much I would have to pay him to go see Wrath of the Titans and write a review... he was out of my price range.  Instead the most recent movie I've seen is Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris.  It was nominated for an Oscar, but didn't win, and I did my best to not get lost once Woody tried to get weird.  I choose to believe it was the sequel to Wedding Crashers, where Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams go to Paris then shit gets awkward and weird. Its not a bad movie by any means, but if I think if you like Woody Allen then this is your wheelhouse.  All I took away was Ernest Hemingway was a man's man and French ladies like Owen Wilson's crooked nose. Rating: 3 hand claps and a sleeping beauty sticker (B slept through 80% of this one)!

This Week in Bear News:  A bear expert says that 98% of people walk away from bear encounters who use bear spray, where as only 56% walk away unharmed when they use guns.  So bear spray is like pepper spray but stronger and can be sprayed farther.  Breaking news: apparently bear's don't like cayenne pepper in their eyes.  I don't know but to me it sounds like the bears have gotten to the bear expert, he can't be trusted.... pepper spray vs. gun?  If you can't hit a bear shooting a gun, then why are you hunting bears people?  Also, the bears are obviously resolved to kill the person with the gun and take it for themselves, duh!  Do you think a bear wants your stupid pepper spray, nope.  Lets just hope the bears don't get gun licences through this corrupted bear expert or we're all screwed.

Olympic Countdown: 121 Days
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: Over/Under # of USA Gold Medals~ 34.5

Foreign Policy and Bears

Happy Friday everybody, lots of important, intellectually challenging issues to sort through today.


Foreign Policy Discussion:  I was recently informed by my good friend from college, I'll refer to him Hiphopanonymous (so he/she (gender confusion, I'm so tricky Philpott! Oopps, oh shit.....) doesn't get Chinese finger trapped or waterboarded),  that this blog is not available to him in China, where he has been for work for a few months.  This raises the issue of this blog's foreign relations policy, specifically towards certain countries that may block interwebs and eat lots of ginger.  First, I support freedom (issue for further discussion, is freedom free? AMERICA!) and believe that people should be able to access the internets if they're not terrorists or mean to animals.  Second, as a ginger, people eating ginger makes me nervous.  I'm sorry, its just a thing I have.  But do Chinese even eat ginger?  How do I eat sushi?  This all just silly, so I will reach out to China to allow/unblock this blog, it's not as uppity as those facepages.  By my estimates the rural Chinese, 45-55, female demographic is my 3rd strongest audience, behind deaf-Australian-goat farmers-under-30 and former hosts of the Family Feud.  So China, open up your interwebs to this blog, then maybe you'd be hipper than North Korea?
Side-Bar: (Dear college that I graduated from, please don't take away my Poli-Sci minor for this past paragraph, thanks. Love, Nick, P.S.- fire our basketball coach, he's stupid and turrible)

Venting Rant of the week: For lent this year, I am attempting to give up Burritos.  Apparently for 40 days I'm subsituting delicious Mexican cuisine that has become a staple of my diet for crazy pills.  Various ramifications have to be decided, like at what point is a fajita not a burrito and what about the rest of Mexican food?  Breakfast burritos are gone, I can't really order anything at Anna's, Chipotle, or any other amazing burrito place that I would normally love without my endeavor of will-power coming into questions.  D-R-A-M-A.  Well, I don't know how long I'll last, but I'll do my best, but after Easter, I may eat only in burrito form for a week, updates to come (because I know you all care so, so much)...

Listing things Friday!: Cities I'd like to travel to-->North American Version!

1. New Orleans-->Fortunately for me, I (don't worry, Juan is coming too) finally be visiting the Crescent City at the end of this month before and after a cruise to Mexico (first cruise ever & first trip to Mexico), who's got suggested places to go/things to do/questionable decisions to make?
2. Las Vegas-->self-explanatory, stupid
3. San Francisco--> I hear good things, question for the San Fran natives: is it frowned upon to run around reenacting scenes from the super smash hit, The Rock?  (True story: receiving a somewhat racist hello from Thunder-Butt from San Fran makes me want to go more, is that kosher?)
4. San Diego--> I want to go that... the baddest Zoo around, nice weather? Is this even a question?
5. Montreal-->This one comes with rules, only in the summer and no hockey related events (trying to stay out of trouble) otherwise everything else is on the table
6. Chicago--> Never been to the midwest, thought Chicago would a jump off city
7. Detroit--> Hahaha, just kidding... (sorry Thunder-Butt, Laura, Eminem, and Kid Rock)
8. Vancouver-->same policy as Montreal
9. DC--> But only if I can go through Baltimore before or after to witness some magic...
10. Philadelphia--> They hammer people there and Ian's stories sound in need of investigatory journalism

This Week in Bear News: This video was brought to my attention (thank you T-Dawg), as it depicts a group of tourists rudely interrupting and harassing (fairly certain it was of the non-sexual persuasion) this Grizzly Bear, who was minding his own business but had to rep his turf.  That's right lady with the hood on, better respect this bear's street cred!

I'd also like to salute Wojtek of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company of the Polish II Corps who served during  WWII.  Wojtek was brown bear cub that adopted and listed as a private by the Polish unit, who's job was to haul ammunition around.  My speculation is that tf the bear had been given a gun and the freedom to form an all-bear unit, the war would've been over immideately and Poland would now be a world super-power.  (Thanks Juan for the tip-off)



Olympic Countdown: 146 Days to go.  And I just discovered the Modern pentathlon! Pistols, swords fighting, swimming, horse riding, and running is an actual event and exists?  The winner of this event should just be named bad-ass extraordinaire!
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: # of total medals China will win in Table Tennis +/- 4