Leap Day Nonsense

Today is February 29, Leap Day! After pondering what I would like to do with an extra February day I decided upon utilizing my superior interwebs research abilities and discovering what is leap day all about and to sort through important questions like:

1. Why is this extra day added on at the end of February and not some other month? ( those jerks, the Romans, did it with their calendar reforms. What were they thinking? They could've added a 32nd day in July, wtf!)
2. Does leap day count as real life? (leap day is day for questionable decisions that otherwise would be reprehensible, so they should not count toward the other boring days on the calendar, duh)
3. If you can't read on February 28, will you be literate on the 29? (obviously, it's science)
4. What's the deal with Europeans and marriage traditions on leap day?

As for question 4, it required some research.  Apparently in some places (by some places, I mean Ireland, crazytown, and Eastern Europe) women are encouraged to propose marriage to men on February 29.  Apparently if the man refuses he has pay the woman off or buy her a dress or 12 pairs of gloves.  This leads me to suspect a Leap Day phenomena of an increased instances of gold digging.  Great job Eastern Europe, lets help out ladies' rights by promoting marriage proposals as means for increasing woman's dress and glove collections.  Follow-up question, who needs 12 pairs of gloves (other than accessorizing furiously)?  Also, what about same sex couples, who is supposed to propose to whom on leap day?  Greece went the complete opposite direction here, saying its unlucky to marry on February 29 (a February wedding? ghastly, woof!).  I see what the Greek women did here, try to pull a fast one and eliminate the opportunity for all the Greek husbands to skip out on 75% of anniversaries.  In Greece's current financial state, couldn't they use a cut back on anniversary floral arrangement and jewelry?  Just saying....  And leap day birthdays (celebrity all-star crew of Taylor Twellman, Ja Rule, and Tony Robbins), don't even get me started (but how awesome would it be to have an actual excuse to act like a 7 year old when  you're 30?)....


Moving on, I recently took trip to Georgia to visit family, B came along for the trip, while it was not my first trip south, we definitely had some highlights:

• We found out what a +30,000 student state school is like when staying in Athens, which is legit college town, as this was the first time I actually stayed downtown (our suite was covered in bulldog/UGA decor).  Lots of cool bars, whole bunch of restaurants and from what I gathered an interesting music scene, not expected out of this trip but fun nonetheless.  UGA is huge, their football stadium is huger, and if you don't like bulldogs go f*** yourself!  Also saw the building where my parents first met, kinda sappy but thanks UGA Psychology Department?
• While visiting my grandparents, we were able to hear quite a few stories from back in the day (credit to B for her skills with the elderly and asking questions), including the gem about my grandfather getting kicked off the bus and walking 4 miles home for throwing the bus driver's broom out the bus window (explanation from my grandfather- "she was a grump")
• Food I ate=Grits, Sausage and Biscuits, Peach French Toast, BBQ, Brunswick stew, Chicken Mull, Country Ham, Sweet Potato candy pie casserole, and many more dishes not found readily in Massachusetts. I also gave into peer pressure and tried a burger with peanut butter on it, not terrible (I was told to go by the name of P.B. Sims).  I am quite certain that I would weigh at least 400lbs should I live in that state.
• I am fairly certain that Habersham County Georgia has a law restricting the number of eateries that can serve salad or non-fried vegetables.  I believe the county has only issued such 3 licences to various eateries.
• Have you seen a coyote carcass? (Those a-holes eat all the barn cats!)  Coyotes down there can get pretty big, almost looked like a wolf...
• Biggest highlight is finding long lost home video footage of my brother and myself from 1989.  Let's just say I wasn't the best at taking direction and my table manners leave a lot to be desired... (video footage hopefully coming soon...)

Oscars: Oscars, you disappoint me.  I like your Cirque du Soliel performance and Borat dumping ashes on Ryan Seacrest, but the I guess I didn't see enough movies this year to pick an Oscars pool correctly.  Also, next year, please note I prefer the motion pictures with the talking, the "talkies" I believe they are referred to.

Picture of cat and bear from 2006

This week in Bear News: A cat the chased a bear up a tree in 2006, was found murdered outside it's New Jersey home.  The suspect, the black bear from the 2006 incident, has been brought in for questioning, but has not been charged.


On a sad note, the co-author of the children's book bear propaganda, the Berenstain Bears, Jan Berenstain, passed away last week.





Countdown to the Olympics: 148 Days until the London Summer Olympics.  Olympic correspondent Royer and I will begin our preparations for covering the shenanigans and hooliganism of these meaningless and breathtaking displays of athleticism, heroism, and world dominance by Home Depot employees.
Today's Pre-Olympic betting odds: # of medals Finland will win for non-shooting events: +/- 1.5

FC Greenstorm as Dog Breeds

While watching the Westminster dog show the other night, which a pekingese won (wtf?), I was given the idea of comparing people to dog breeds. There's the old comparing how people look to dogs or what kind of dogs people themselves have or like, but while those may be a factor, I lean more towards the personality/behavior matching approach.  Now, what better way to offend my friends then assign them dog breeds, I hope to start a rousing debate and hurt many feelings, hopefully not all my own... I encourage comments and suggestions if my research proves inaccurate or utterly offensive.  So here, in no particular order are a few of my friends as dog breeds (if I didn't do you, I'll try to do add on or do more later, but this is scientific process and takes time)...

Jon-Afghan Hound : Too easy! Skinny and fast like a greyhound, but also described as cat-like when lounging around the house.  While the Afghan Hound was originally bred to hunt swift game like gazelle and shit in rugged terrain, Jon was bred to become the greatest big buck hunter around (have you seen the leader board of the our wii big buck hunter?).  And while he may not have the long pretty coat of the Afghan Hound, when he grows it out, Jon's can have a mighty old Jew-fro!  All dogs tend to fall in-love with Jon, so why wouldn't everyone fall in love with the regal Afghan Hound?


Laura- Labrador Retriever: I had a hard time with Laura, knowing she can do work (taxes, stupid!), but also likes the finer things in life, while being able to rock kick-ass day-drinking shoes for adventures!  Matching her multi-faceted lifestyle, in the end I had to revert to her beau at home, Ginny the Lab.  At heart, Ginny is a fashionista, loves w-a-l-k-s, is a connoisseur of all fine European deli meats, and adores Jon.   What more need I explain?



Kevin- Chihuahua Parson Russel Terrier: I forget if Kevin himself mentioned chihuahua, but my research turned up another small breed for this non-dog associating person.  This high energy dog will often find itself in the middle of an ordeal or mischief, sounds about right for Kevin who's always up for an adventure, to wander or explore.  Surely with frequent grooming this guy could resemble my Supercuts-regular roommate.  Both have active personalities and have dubious abilities to interact with cats and rodents, but are suprisingly good with horses???  (Note-Kevin, before you get excited, Wishbone was a Jack Russell Terrier, so no, this breed cannot read...)



Jesse- Boxer: I was very close to going with an Scottish Deerhound , but the personality of a Boxer is a well-suited match for for my tree house companion. Here's a list of words describing the Boxer: "playful, exuberant, inquisitive, attentive, demonstrative, devoted and outgoing."  Boxer's like to be active and run around, so does Jesse.  I think its a good match, but I could see an arguement for more scraggly looking dogs with goatees and beards, closer to the fedora-totting personality of Mr. Plate.





Becca- Pembroke Welsh Corgi: This one might be skewed, as I had my mind made up going into the process the B would a corgi.  I decided on the Pembroke Welsh type because they are small and very cute.  Short legs, good with children, fun-loving, amiable (to dog treats/people treats).  Sounds like a match to me!  Plus look at those ears, they can hear everything!


Royer- Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen: ROYER!!! I found you a best friend!  The PBGV likes to be merry, is inquisitive, always on the lookout for excitement and fun, and loves to explore.  If that doesn't sound like Royer, then I give up.  I couldn't find anything about the PBGV's scrapbooking abilities, but for a fact-finding mission we have a winner.  Altough the breed is French, and Royer is from Delaware, the PBGV surely appeals to Royer's global sensibilities and would be great in an art class or two...



Bobby- Bernese Mountain Dog- My research led me to Akita, but Robert Walter could be anything from a Pit Bull to Irish Wolfhound.  Bernese Mountain Dog is my choice because I can see Robert Walter pulling a wagon like I've seen this breed do.  Hardworking or easygoing, it don't matter.  The most fitting description I read was "calm family companion (that is, after it leaves its adolescent stage)".  I'm guessing that Bob can probably come up with a better example for himself, but at least my guess has him as a pretty dog.


Trisha- German Shepard: Sorry, I did zero research on this one.  T-Dawg definitely has to be a German Shepard in my opinion, with Charles (in-Charge) and Nika (half cold blooded killer) at home, there's just no argument against this breed coming to mind.  Again, as a dog professional, she may have a better idea, but somehow I think she may agree.  Plus I just wanted another excuse to post the picture of Charlie wearing a fedora!










Cory- German Shepard/Bearnese Mountain Dog Mix: Umm, if I have to explain this to you, you obviously don't know where babies come from!  I found this picture of a mix but it can't hold up against actual pictures of Cory!

Matty- German Shorthaired Pointer- My research turned up this awesome breed for Matty.  I don't have an clear explanation of how I got here, but I know that Matty likes this breed.  An athletic hunting dog, it corresponds well to Matty's abilities in the big buck hunter arena.  Also described as possibly too boisterous for small children, which for some reason resonated with Matty in my head (yelling at children, T-squad swim class maybe?)?





Samara- Goldendoodle-  One of the few suggestions I received before hand that stuck.  Smart like a poodle, friendly like a golden retriever, boom done! I know the hair colors don't match but who cares!  As much as I wanted to make Samara a Samoyed, that would be just silly!  Also a tough decision to not go with the dog who dresses up like David Wright outside Citi Field.




Craig- Boston Terrier: I'm just getting lazy now, but how can Craig not be a Boston Terrier?  In my mind he has become synonymous with the breed through Dolly.  "Well-mannered indoors but saucy and playful whenever the chance arises", all business until it's time to play.  Boston Terriers snore and wheeze, and Craig had his share of sinus issues a while back.  Either way, I'm not bothering to go against this one. 




Alex- Miniature Pinscher Schnauzer:  My research brought me to the Miniature Schnauzer, although Alex now has a Min Pin, TOBIAS!  I went away from the min pin and towards schnauzer due to more fitting descriptions such as "well-mannered house dog that also enjoys being in the middle of activities" and it enjoys children, that sounds more like Alex than "perpetual motion machine" and "scrappy with other dogs and may chase small animals".  I'm willing to hear an arguement to the contrary but until I see Alex chasing squrriels and downing caffeine pills, I will go with schnauzer.  Or could go Chow Chow?



Me- Redbone Coonhound:  I will explain in quotes I found-

• "A true American (breed)"
• "aren't clingy or in your face"
• "can become bored with formal training"
• "once the nose hits a scent they are oblivious to much else"

Solves mysteries with its nose, has red hair, hunts raccoon, tolerant of children, and could kick the shit out of a coyote.  That's me... right?

Some other quick hitters for you:

Ian- Portuguese Water Dog

Emwoods- Beagle

Anna- Komondor

Now I'm tired from my exhaustive research to do anymore, but let me know what you think.

Groundhog Day (versions 1.0 & 2.0), New Hampshire & Sports Talkings!

Question: Did I wake up this morning expecting it to be Thursday, February 2, 2012?--No, that's just stupid. I know how a calendar works genius.
Question: Did I wake up this morning hoping it would be Thursday, February 2, 2012 version 2.0?--YES!!!

Although my fantasy of experiencing Billy Murray's 1993 smash-hit Groundhog Day first-hand has been dashed (and no, I can't remember how that movie ends and will refuse to learn any morals whatsoever from that movie other than how curly Andie MacDowell's hair was), that doesn't mean I can't yell profanities at rodents on the TV every morning, as I did yesterday when Phil told me there was going to be more winter (although I'm fairly certain that winter hasn't even hit Boston yet, which I've totally just jinxed, you're welcome everybody) because I have put all my eggs in the basket of one specific groundhog in Pennsylvania controlling the weather for six weeks of the year which he then "tells" to a man wearing a top hat (who may or may no be a registered sex offender... what too much? Okay fine, he's not registered, we can only speculate what's on his creepy, creepy criminal record).  I'm pretty sure that's how the weather works,  it's science.  Every 6 weeks a different animal will tell us how hot its gonna be or if it's gonna rain real bad.  Let's just hope bears aren't given a month and a half to f*** around with the weather.  To investigate further I present my findings of...

Groundhog Day & Groundhog Day version 2.0 (Feb. 2 & 3) in History accordingly Nick (with help from Wikipedia):

• February 3, 1637- Netherlands goes into "Tulip Mania" after realizing that February 2 would not repeat over and over again, and their tulip bulb contracts had run out and the market collapses. Actual (no, not actual, stupid) quote from that day: "What's that? The tulip bulb prices has collapsed? Bless my clogs! MANIA!!!"
• February 3, 1690- Massachusetts issues the first paper money in America.  Too bad groundhogs can't predict when the pilgrims make it "rain" in the club church.
• February 3, 1834- My Alma Mater was founded as the Wake Forest Manual Labor Institute.  Available majors included Barn Construction, Cotton Gin Maintenance, General Hole Digging Studies, Fence Repair, and a revolutionary double major of Animal Husbandry and Tobacco Farming.
• February 2, 1848- The U.S. dictates to Mexico (makes Mexico sign and provide taco's for refreshment) the Treaty of Guadalupe to end the Mexican-American War and sparking the first USA chants in nearly 30 years and asserting unquestionably that you shouldn't mess with Texas.
• February 2, 1887- First modern Groundhog day is observed in PA, but according the tradition has other dubious roots: "ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator"... see!!! Sacred bears, setting us all up with weather lore, we're screwed.  What if the sacred bear wants winter in July?  What then, Bill Murray???
• February 2, 1913- Grand Central Terminal in NYC is opened, and one can only assume that the first hobo/drifter began panhandling soon after, followed shortly by various street performers and flash mobs.
• February 2, 1935- Liars everywhere find a need to "up their game" as the polygraph machine was first tested.
• February 2, 1971- Forest Whitaker became President of Uganda, for which he won an Oscar for in 2006.  Why the academy waited so long is beyond me...
• February 3, 1972- Iran, after ignoring the warnings various groundhogs and other rodents, is hit with a 7 day blizzard that dropped as much as 10 feet of snow over some villages.
• February 2, 1976- The Groundhog, fed up and bored of just predicting the end of winter, decided to mess with New England and Canada, and dropping the air pressure extremely low, destroying a lighthouse in New Brunswick.
• February 3, 1977- Groundhogs failed to prognosticate the utter-greatness and genius born on this day in the form of Puetro Rican reggaeton singer/rapper (that's right, double threat) Daddy Yankee.
• February 2 (every year)- It's Inventor's day in Thailand, so all you Thai people out there get those thinking caps on, time to invent!
• February 3 (every year)- Get excited, it's Setsubun, a bean-throwing festival celebrated in Japan to scare away the evil from the previous year before the start of spring!

Photo courtesy of Freshman Ski Team captain Emwoods

Nick Goes to NH:  Last weekend I was able to get away from the weekend, and by get away I mean drive due north for 2 hours, attach two planks of carbon-based material to me feet, and hurtle down a mountain somewhat not at all in control of where I was going/who I was going to hit.  In other words, I went skiing for the second time ever.  First off, ski boots are not comfortable (the wambulance is on its way).  For that reason I would contemplate trying snowboarding only because the boots look more comfortable.  Second, I'm probably the best 2-time skier ever, lets just say that if I went skiing on a regular basis, I would be going to the Olympics or could keep up with my friends or would be regular skier (and would still hate ski boots).   I didn't fall off the chair-lift or demolish any small children on the slopes, and I only fell over after stopping on the slopes, aka not "sticking the landing" (barrel roll and sliding into Matty).  Other highlights from the trip include the NH state liquor store in the rest area (FYI: strawberries in the moonshine jar don't taste like strawberries, just burning), pancake-bacon roll-up hybrid with a side of breakfast meats, and through a spontaneous high-stakes game of trivia, instigated by the hostess (holla at chu, Anna),  I learned that the Salvation Army's war cry is "Blood and Fire" (no joke, trivial pursuit circa 1981 was not lying).

In other news, I wish the Bruins got to groundhog day 2.0 last night's effort, as I attended the nonsense that was a 3-0 thrashing the hapless Hurricanes gave the B's.  Although the Canes may have the B's number this year, they can enjoy the golf course while the Bruins are in the playoffs.  That being said, Cam Ward, despite what another patron in Section 308 voraciously remarked, you are a fine goaltender and I'm sure your wife is lovely and not a whore at all.

This weekend also brings us the Super Bowl, and yes, I personally, as a Pats fan, am quite nervous as I don't think I can handle another dose of Eli Manning's confused face somehow winning the Lombardi Trophy for the second time.  That being said, I'm pumped for the Patriots, but refuse to go as far as Giselle in requesting thoughts and prayers for Tom Brady & co.  You can pray and think about whatever you want, people, just don't miss the puppy bowl on Animal Planet, as I'm sure it'll be barn burner.  My picks for the puppy bowl are Hunter the boxer and Brandy the Pit Bull/Collie mix.  As for the big football match, I like the Patriots to take down the Giants in a close one.  Here's hoping for a parade next week...

This week in Bear News: In an attempt to even the odds, Alaska's Board of Game has lifted the ban on aerial shooting of bears.  Now hunters too scared face bears in fair, evening the hunting competitive balance, can cowardly shoot at bears from the safety of an aircraft.  I expect this to spark an arms-race of sorts, ending with flying bears of all types leading to a bear revolution of sorts.  In conclusion, shame on you Alaska's Board of Game, don't realize what you're doing?!?!?! Remember, the sacred bear can make it winter forever...