Santa, I do NOT want Garbage for Christmas!

Big Brown, the Jewish Santa Claus!
Santa visited me the other night, a bit early this year.  At first he over-shot my building, but he came back around for a safe landing.  I was worried this year, I heard Santa's Japanese built sleigh broke down a time or to, but Santa rode spreading good cheer, blaring Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas.  But I was ready and heard such a clatter, so while Santa double parked his sleigh in front of my building, I ran down the stairs to meet Santa.  He didn't ask me if I behaved this year, he didn't get a chance.  My bribe of a festive bottle filled with tasty drink ruled out any chance of getting garbage this year (for some reason B says I should get garbage and she should get a basset hound in her stocking, I don't see the logic but she works with science so she must be right...).  B was out with her mother seeing a play, so I got a chance to catch up with Santa, see how he's living.  Before long, Alvin and the Chipmunks' rendition of All I Want for Christmas thoroughly ruined the mood and Santa had to change the playlist. But then it was time, Santa was on a strict schedule, and Juan needs his presents too!  But before Santa departed into the December night, he gave me our presents, a Belgian Tripel for me and a red wine for B.  Santa didn't give me garbage, what joy!  So thank you to Santa in his Scion sleigh, I will try new things this year, I wouldn't risk getting garbage next Christmas.  And maybe next year I'll get you a better Christmas playlist...

What I Really Want for Christmas:
I know I'm not getting what I really want for Christmas this year.  Labor strife, greed, poorly planned expansions to southern markets, stubbornness  lack of common sense, the worst commissioner in sports history, admitted failure of the same exact situation less than a decade ago, and general disrespect towards hockey fans have insured that I won't get what I really want for Christmas.  If you're a hockey fan you get it, you miss the game at its highest level.  Unfortunately, at its highest level means that's where the most money is.  Whether its the players or the owners or Gary Bettman's fault, (Bill Simmons once joked that NBA commissioner, David Stern, planted Gary Bettman, who formerly worked for the NBA, as the NHL commissioner in 1993 to make himself look like a better commissioner by comparison... Mr. Stern, you're plan worked, but you're not much better) I don't really care at this point, I just wish I could be watching the B's with Jack Edwards screaming silly Revolutionary War anecdotes at me, while Shawn Thornton pummels some punk from Montreal.  We should be watching Chara flatten people  or Seguin lighting up the goal light like its Hannukah in Boston, not in the Czech Republic and Switzerland.  *Best European League story I've read so far- Chara body checked former teammate Miroslav Satan a couple weeks ago and hurt Satan; Satan then went to the media and proclaimed his and Chara's friendship as over, friendship terminated!... really Satan? Tell me how this doesn't make you sound like a big baby?*  Unlike season ticket holders and businesses in NHL cities, I have no financial stake in the league, just an emotional attachment.  The longer this goes on, the more tenuous that attachment may become.  In 2005, I was excited to have the NHL back from the lock-out, next time I may not be as excited if the parties involved don't learn their lesson and get back to the game.  So for Christmas, I won't have the Bruins, but I hope in 2013 they'll come back, before it's too late (I heard that mid-January is the season cancellation deadline).

Nick Goes to the Movies:
On Tuesday night I attended a movie by myself for the second time ever.  Quick quiz, what other movie did I have to go see by myself? .........Answer = Transformers 3 and it was awesome! I still needed to adjust to sitting by myself, but I think I've gotten over the stigma attached to flying solo to a film.  So after work, I walked down the block and saw The Hobbit, in the regular 2-D.  I had read about how people felt nauseous and dizzy from the 48-fps, 3-D format that apparently made everything a little too real and giving a film.  I figured the regular 2-D would allow me to enjoy the movie the first time around without the distractions.  I found a seat, and I think my section became "the area for people there by themselves or noisy bitches who are obviously drinking wine and keep running to the bathroom because this movie is nearly 3 hours long".  People on either side of me were by themselves and I was worried the Asian guys behind would need to translate the movie in their native tongue the entire movie like they did during the half hour of trailers (not racist, actually happened), but they stopped, unlike those noisy ladies and their wine breaks.  It was surprising to see the cross section of the crowd for this movie, because the picture of the traditional nerd that comes to mind did not fit most of the people.
Now if I were to review The Hobbit, I would tell you its really long and gets bogged down to a snails pace in certain parts, but I'm big nerd for the LTR movies so this was a no-brainer "I need to see this movie" movie.  Is it the best made movie? Probably not.  But, I would say if you've read the book or like the material, you'll be into this movie, as long as you can pay attention for the required amount of time.  There was no way I was getting Juan, or let alone B, to come see this movie with me.  But now I'm curious to what the 3-D, nauseous version looked like.

Last year's championship performance

I want to wish everyone Happy and Safe Holidays.  In other news, I would like to toot my own horn, for the 2nd straight year I was the dreidel champion!  I won all the gelt, bankrolled Juan while he devalued the market by eating all the gelt, made it rain as the market collapsed, and took down the diabetes title with my gelt reserves!

Dramatization of what happened this year...

Tonight I will be attending Meat Night, where there will be a large portion of meat served to the each of attendees.  This is the best themed night, and I suggest you attend a similar function soon.







Also, Happy "End of the World" tomorrow.  I plan on eating plenty of breakfast meats on Saturday morning.

Holiday Analytics, Thoughts, and Grades

Holiday Analytics-This morning a complaint was lodged in my apartment, that I heard as "the holiday season is almost over!" (alleged actual complaint was "we only have 2 full weekends before Christmas" but lets pretend it was what I heard)  Lets analyze this complaint:
What qualifies as the holiday season?

• To be broad, holidays count for all of December, 31 days.
• If we're being generous we can count the week or so after Thanksgiving as well, as this is generally when it becomes acceptable to put up Christmas lights or holiday decorations, so in 2012 that would be an additional 8 days, so 39 days total
• Sticking to the ABC Family 25 days of Christmas, would leave us with, shocker, 25 days, but this ignores Boxing Day and New Years, so I'm throwing this one out, shove it ABC Family!
• With Hanukkah starting on the 8th, Hanukkah to New Years is 24 days this year, hitting the 3 big holidays, not including Thanksgiving which is separate, giving a number similar to ABC Family's suggestion, but then again I don't consider Toy Story a Christmas movie so suck it.  
• For the sake of moving on with our lives, lets just consider a range roughly a month long that will be the holidays, okay?

So we have a range between 25-39 days, 3.5-5.5 weeks of holiday season.  The earliest the holiday season would start would have been November 23rd, Black Friday, almost 2 weeks ago, 13 days.  Its been almost a whole week in December, so minimum 6 days.  So by our range, we are somewhere between 24%-33% into the holiday season judging by when you start and how long you consider it.  If you're Jewish, you might be 0% into the holidays.

Therefore, using my analysis, the complaint lodged this morning is false! Boom! .... except I think it was lodged in different sense, as in we don't have any free time to wear Christmas Sweaters and go caroling, "why haven't we watched the Santa Clause yet?", where is all our time scheduled, and so on....

Other Holiday Thoughts:

• I know what you're concerned about, but I'm alright! I actually haven't been waterboarded with Christmas movies yet.  (Alright, waterboard may be a bit extreme, but if ABC Family thinks it can pass off Harry Potter as a Christmas movie, then they better show Air Bud, because dogs that play basketball is what the holidays are all about!)  B actually has it mapped out pretty well, leading up to Christmas Vacation on Christmas Eve (watching it early is a big no-no and results in shame brought upon your entire family).
• Last week I spent some time going through our apartment lease to make sure there was no clause that would forbid us from getting a Christmas Tree.  Apparently bringing a tree into your living room constitutes a real fire hazard.  Nonetheless, I didn't find anything, so now we have a tree that B named Herbert.  Thanks to a donation from the Nana Holiday Fund, Herbert will have a nice home in our living room for the next month.
• Comm Ave. has all its trees lit up with lights, which make a great spot to go running after dark. So if you stop to take pictures of the lights, and get run over by a ginger, you've been warned.
• Can I have hockey back for Christmas?  If not, can I have the opportunity to tell Gary Bettman to suck it?
• Not everyone wishes others well during the Holiday Season.  Prime example, Bad Cat, who looks at the holidays as a great time to sneak out into the neighborhood and cause a giant ruckus and pick fights with much larger organisms, from neighborhood children to packs of wild dogs... 

Season Greetings 'Scheme'ings from Bad Cat!

Thank you Michael for sending along evidence of Bad Cat plotting his next attack.

To keep everyone on the top of their game this holiday season, I thought it'd be constructive to give out some feedback on everyone's performances for Thanksgiving and early holiday season, so they can improve upon their Holiday Game.
Not entirely arbitrary Holiday Grades:
Nick: D  Poor showing at the Rossi Thanksgiving get-together, although avoiding profuse bleeding in front of small children does save from a failing grade.  Failure to dress up the dog as a Pilgrim also disappoints as we have to look for improvement as the holidays continue.
Holly Viszla: C+ While your collar screams deer hunter, operation dress like a pilgrim was failure. But I saw that picture of you in a wreath, way to get in the holiday mood!
Juan: C  Solid showing being able to handle a dubious looking White Cherry Slushy and bargain hunt for $4 hats and toy helicopters  but a missed opportunity to proclaim "Sak's gonna bang Katniss" leaves room for improvement.
Laura: B+ Almost lost out on the first choice of Christmas Tree, but held strong against that old lady and Asian family eyeing your tree and brought home a winner.
Michael: A- Whether finding autumnal balloons, locating Nana's Jim Beam, playing Cards Against Humanities, or getting haircuts that "don't look like a cop", strong Thanksgiving performance all around. The addition of flannel to the wardrobe made all the difference, as the Chocolate Cake beer mix (Chocolate Stout + Raspeberry Hefewiezen) really woke up the Holiday Magic... up next Winter Warmer + Apple Cider...
B: A Here goes the intergrity of the grading scale, but as long as there is a supply of cookies in the apartment, that's an A!
Craig & Jesse: Hey As in the hebrew dradle hey.  You get half the pot, but you'll have to defeat the defending dradle champ if you want the Gimmel!
Walter: B Pro moves all around- clipping balloons to Cory, moving tractor parts, and belting out the karaoke like the best of em. Just wait til the festive outwear comes out!
Royer: A+  Royer ate too much and couldn't get up from his chair at Friendsgiving, that's a win! Boxed wine and a Fenway Christmas is a good start, but if Royer is to stay atop his holiday game, he needs an ugly sweater right away!

If you didn't get a holiday grade and want one, show off your game! (C)Hanukkah starts this weekend!