While I'll be in North Carolina attending a wedding this weekend (congrats Jake and Meredith!), Olympic Correspondent Royer will be unresponsive on his couch. No, he won't be dead, I hope his brain can withstand the excitement of London 2012 kicking off tomorrow. He'll be in his wheelhouse for the coming weeks, watching as much Olympics as humanly possible (he might be on HGH in order to watch more than humanly possible, we haven't tested him yet so there's no way of knowing). So if Royer has taught me anything recently it's "Stop it! Don't try to make bus friends, start making Olympic friends! Now give me back my team USA magazine!" (actual quote that happened... true story). May I present, the greatest thing since Sergeant Stubby, Olympic Correspondent Royer's Olympic preivew, part duex!:
Olympic
Preview #2: First Weekend of the Olympics
I’m
sitting at work watching the Olympics. This will basically be my life for the
next two weeks. My boss already caught me watching soccer yesterday and did not
seem to have a problem with a tiny soccer video in the bottom of my screen. I
am a capable multi-tasker and feel no guilt. Suck It. I would also like to give
ya’ll fair warning that streaming the Olympics while not at home takes some
time to figure out. I almost punched my computer in the face yesterday out of
frustration. Things that really grind my gears include not being able to watch
the Olympics, people that wear non-athletic clothing while running &
bananas. Short list but you don’t want to be on it.
Women’s
soccer played yesterday and beat France 4-2. France got off to a quick start
but we came back and won easily. It was definitely not an amazing performance
by our gals but I don’t think we need to worry yet. This also lets me introduce
a new contest: Hottest 5 Olympians. There are two criteria: hotness & a
medal. Also, the hottest Olympian will need to win a gold medal. Alex Morgan,
you are a strong contender, win the gold and you have a good shot at being
numba 1. You just need to keep Brazil under-control. They embarrassed Cameroon yesterday with some
self passes and other absurdities. I don’t want to see any of that shit against
us.
Looking
towards this weekend gold medals are going to come fast & furious starting
Saturday. To help you all prepare I have selected some events you might want to
check out.
Saturday
Men’s 400 IM: Lochte V Phelps round 1.
Sounds like Phelps has been a Slacking-Off Susan lately and is not in shape
enough to win this one (http://xfinity.comcast.net/blogs/sports/2012/07/10/tyler-clary-calls-out-michael-phelps/). Royer’s Prediction: Lochte beats Phelps
Women’s 4 x 100: Big race for the women as it
could be Missy Franklin’s first medal and Natalie Coughlin matching the record
for most successful female Olympian. I’m rooting for you ladies!
Women’s Individual Foil: Italian superstar Valentina
Vezzali has won the last 3 gold medals and is going for the big numba 4 in a
row, kind of a big deal. There is an American Lee Kiefer that is ranked #5. She
looks like she is 12. Let’s hope we don’t get our own version of the Chinese
Women’s Gymnastics 14 year old scandal that happened last Olympics.
Men’s Team Archery: We are ranked NUMBA ONE! But
South Korea has won the past 3 Olympics. I feel like we are going to blow this
one so unfortunately my bet has to be on South Korea. They have the Olympic momentum.
Royer’s Prediction: Gold-South Korea
Bronze-USA
Sunday
Men’s Weightlifting 123 pounds: I have no idea who is favored
to win, probably China but watch this and see very small men lift crazy amounts
of weight. Its insane.
Women’s Weightlifting 117 pounds: Prapawadee
Jaroenrattanatarakoon of Thailand. Longest name award? I am going to watch just
to learn the pronunciation.
Men’s 100 Breaststroke: Japan’s Kosuke Kitajima is a
cheater (http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/5714746/), someone please kick his ass.
Judo Men’s Half Light: So my favorite country besides
the USA is Mongolia. Don’t ask why (http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/153634/mongolian-eradicator). The scrapbooks have a special section
dedicated to Mongolia. Mongolia got their first gold medal in Beijing. They
naturally celebrated aggressively. Khashbaataryn Tsagaanbaatar is set to do some work in
this event. I also consider myself a
connoisseur of recent Mongolian Film (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinema_of_Mongolia . Royer’s Prediction:
Mongolia adds to the gold medal count.
Women’s Diving 3m springboard
Synchro:
USA hasn’t won a diving medal since 2000. From what I saw in the trials we need
some miracles. Royer’s Prediction: China
continues diving dominance.
Monday
Men’s 100 Backstroke: MATT GREVERS GET ER DONE. One
of my favorites.
Women’s 100 Backstroke: Missy Franklin can you handle
the pressure? I say yes, she isn’t going to pull a Katie Hoff. Get it Girl (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/olympics/london/swimming/story/2012-05-19/missy-franklin-surprise-dancing-denver-broncos/55076482/1) Royer’s Prediction: Missy Franklin gets her first individual gold
medal.
Men’s Gymnastics Team: I think this is going to be
very fun to watch and I am going to get a little crazy with my prediction. I
know Chinese athletes as a whole are known for their consistency and accuracy
but I think not being on their home turf will make a difference. Royer’s Prediction: Gold-Japan, Silver-USA,
Bronze-China.
As
always, please enjoy the Olympics responsibly. And by responsibility I mean get
drunk, cheer aggressively for random sports and athletes and savor these
moments. It will be another four years before they come around again. God
Speed. And to get you even more pumped here is a song by Muse for the London
Games:
-Olympic Correspondent Royer
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