Guest Blog: Love questions for Dr. Jeffrey Woodcock

NS: Ladies and Gents, this week I was able to kick off the first of hopefully many guest blogs to come.  I sat down with the doctor of love, Dr. Jeffrey Woodcock for a Q & A about love, relationships and other stuff that makes people giggle.  As a regular practitioner of love and such, I trust his answers to be scientifically exact and factually correct, having said that, welcome Dr. Woodcock.

JW: First let’s get the disclaimer out of the way. There’s no academic degree (that I know of) for love so I’m not a real doctor but I have dem credentials; I’ve been in love a few times and could write you a sonnet if you need one. I’ve taken plenty of romantic shots that didn’t work out but I’ve learned from them. I once had a girl poop her bed  when we were getting into it FWIW.

NS: FWIW is wish you were dressed like Dr. Mario, but then you'd throw large colorful pills everywhere, making people fall in love like that flying baby with a bow and arrow, and lets be honest, bears could prolly smell that and then we'd all be at risk.  But lets talk about love...

JW: What’s with all this love business anyway? I thought this guest blog was going to be about dating and Sex? If you want to make this a regular thing (by regular thing, he means dating and sex, along with love questions), hit me with those questions for round 2.  Falling in love is easy, the work is in preparing yourself to give love and deal with the ways that loving will change you. You might flame out or flail around in it  but you don’t fall out of  love. Part of you exists in that which you love. 

NS: Well, obvious starting point, what is love?

JW: People will probably disagree with me and that’s fine as long as their view on love is valid/true and not just something they read and repurposed. Love, IMO,  is the willingness to give a part of yourself to something or someone without the promise of anything in return.  The connection made with the object of your love is a currency that proves that you exist. Having loved is to be validated, so love will never going out of style. The way people love will change and might get weird, but love itself is timeless.

NS: Moving on, can you buy love?

JW: Nope. Sex is something that is often associated with love because it often is shared between people who love each other. Don’t discount the huge difference between sex/sleeping with a person/fucking/making love as they are completely different. The same association holds for presents and chocolates and words like “baby”. Some of these things (including sex) can be bought, but don’t intrinsically carry love.

Money is necessary to find things that you can love. You might love race-car driving and will never know unless you spend the money to drive a race car.  You can use money to put yourself in a position where love can come to you.

NS: Does love ever go on sale?

JW: Love can come in waves, but since you can’t buy love it doesn’t really go on sale. There are times that people are more open to the idea of loving (springtime, after historic events)  so I’ll call those sales and for the sake of continuing the metaphor the currency to buy love is awesomeness and not USD.

NS: What's the difference between loving a person or an animal and loving something inanimate but still awesome-sauce, like potato chips (as in "dude, I love these chips!")?

JW: Communication is a best-effort practice. When people discuss an emotion or a feeling, there aren’t words to describe the exact state they wish to convey. Using the word in two contexts;  “I love my grandmother’s cooking” and “I love my best friend” demonstrates the same word  taking the place of two very different ideas. If I tell you I love you, it really could be followed by “do you know what I mean?” which is a rhetorical question because you think you know what I mean, but it’s impossible to be exactly correct.

The biggest difference in the different types of love you describe is the social acceptability of the manifestation of your love.  Sex is a common expression of romantic love, but would be a completely inappropriate expression of love for potato chips. Don’t try to stick it in a Pringles can or in your TV when your favorite music video starts playing. There are different types of loves to be expressed. Companionship love (whether romantic or as friends) comes from a recognition of  the same kind of person as yourself. They can have the same values or the same sense of crazy. This type of love will help you explore who you are without feeling estranged (and isn’t that the whole point?) Object love is more one sided than that. So is the love of a pursuit. I was talking to a friend recently about how unsuccessful Van Gogh was during his life. He must have had no friends and no money and everyone would have been telling him how much his art sucked but he kept doing it. He loved painting, and without that love his life would have been invalid and he wouldn’t have created anything.

NS: Where's the best or worst place to meet potential people to love?

JW: This obviously depends on not only the type of love, but on the person searching. Either way, having an open mind/heart is the biggest pre-requiste to finding anything that’s worth finding. Back up, that didn’t answer your question whatsoever (I hate when people skirt around hard questions) so let’s approach this by a process of elimination.

■      First we take out places that restrict love is from peeping out(nightclubs and casinos are too seedy, factories are too loud, highway reststops are too dirty.)

■      Then, take out places where people don’t fully express themselves (doctors offices are too serious, work people area always pretending to be different than they are.)

■           Some examples of what we have left: 80’s music dance parties- people fully let out all the good in them at those- resorts/hostels (people are open minded and stress free while on vacation) and really anywhere that’s personal to the individual. If you’re favorite author is speaking- check it out and talk to some people there.

NS: Why does gravity not apply to "falling in love"?

JW: Who said it doesn’t? Gravity is a force that keeps physical things heading in the same direction. Love does the same thing, at least for like minded individuals. Astronauts probably have a strange take on love. People get depressed when their giving/receiving proportions get unbalanced. Forces (maybe not gravity) keep people in control.

NS: Is it a bad idea to fall in love too fast?

JW: I have a friend who falls in love once a week. He’s a nomad ( spiritually, physically, emotionally) and it’s not an issue because he’s willing to live as intensely as he loves.

A lot of times when you care and then get hurt, you don’t want to put your whole heart on the line the next time around. It’s tough to love again and that’s ok to fall fast as long as you’re conscious.  The mistake I made the first time around is putting all of myself into something that I loved instead of leading with the best parts of myself and letting the rest follow.

NS: How do you know if you're falling in love or in actual love?  Is it when gravity has had enough and smacks you in the face?

JW: New is always exciting. You can fall in love with the idea of a person and then dating is the process of reconciling who a person might be with who they actually are. When a person/thing has turned out to be something different than you were expecting and you aren’t disappointed- you’re not falling anymore.

NS: Would you rather love only people wearing the color blue or not be able to love anything from the state of Ohio ever again?

JW: Wasn’t there a Hawthorne Heights song about this? I guess that song was the the exact opposite of it. I’ll take the latter: I like plenty of things from OH (I.O!) but don’t know that I love any.

NS: If love was an Olympic sport, which country would win the gold medal?

JW: France would get DQ’d for doing some nasty kinky stuff  that can’t fly on network TV, or even the internet (but maybe on the dark web.)

Greece would be in the running. Greeks love hard. I had a big crush on a Greek girl once. I had asked her to go to a concert, and she said no. The next day we were getting food and this other friend came up and (not realizing it was her) asked me why the girl I liked wasn’t coming to the concert. It was awkward. Greece doesn’t quite have the gunpower so I’ll give them the bronze. New Zeland would make a dark horse run at it with their laid back loyalty, but that’ll only get them silver. I say Brazil takes it home- smart money is on the beautiful passionate women. 

NS: With that, I want to thank Dr. Woodcock for his time, and we encourage everyone to submit their own questions (via comments, email, owl (for Harry Potter fans), and your local rabies-free feline messenger service) for Dr. Woodcock for next time.

Google Machine Friday (part duex)

Today I continue my adventures on the internet by searching the depths of knowledge, henceforth unknown to all but the crazy assholes who have pioneered the internet (speaking of which, do you think Al Gore is any good at Oregon Trial?).  That's right, once again, it's Google Machine Friday!  Here's what I found, what I didn't find, and a few inappropriate things I picked up along the way.  And yes, I Googled murder, and it hasn't changed since the last time I Googled it (Google should probs just sponsor me right?).  These are just a few tidbits from my thorough inquisition of the Google:

• I begin my searching with the deepest philosophical question I can think of... "What happens if there is no Google".  The returns included a few articles about the alternatives to Google and what the internet would be like, but the Google Answers result caught my eye with "what happens if the moon explodes?"  Wait, the moons going to explode?  I thought James Bond foiled that plot in the 70's.  Anyways, completely irrelevant, but thanks Google, that's some valuable information I needed to know.
• On my trip foraging through Google, I took some suggestions from friends, which led me to Zoo Tycoon, a popular computer game where you build a zoo.  But Google did not stop there, they provided cheats to Zoo Tycoon.  Well if you're too impatient or just a straight up baller, I can hook you up with magic fences or unlock a Triceratops! 
• In my attempt to become a gypsy, Google found me a website that teaches you how to read palms!  So if you want me to know about your love life, energy, general hygiene, if in fact you have a broken fingers, or your fate, I WILL KNOW if you show me your hands!
• I want this!
• Google auto ask feature is dangerous, dangerous tool.  They will tell you what all the other crazy people are trying to find out, and some of them are up to noooo good
• I am running a 5 mile race at Harpoon on Sunday, so I asked Google how to run 5 miles.  Google's response:

Valid question...

• Google suggestion #2- Richard Jenkins.  Apparently Laura works with his son, but Richard Jenkins is an actor who, played Dr. Doback in the best movie ever, Step Brothers.  I found his Google search results to be rather bland so here's a blurb that can spice up his results:  His portrayal of a fed-up doctor and father was riveting and masterful, and left me in awe after proclaiming "rumpus time is over" and his description of his ambitions to be a dinosaur (how is that even a skill?) left me in tears. I was disgusted to learn he wasn't even nominated for an oscar, which I will write my congressman/woman about.  Richard Jenkins, a true American, indeed.
• And of course, I asked Google what bears were up to in the news... This Week in Bear News: A 400 pound bear in California was harassed by police while going through a woman's trash before lumbering off into the hillside. This was the second time the bear had sifted through the garbage, and the woman suspected the bear wanted the chicken, rice, and pastries that she had thrown out, this coming weeks after another California bear was caught eating meatballs outside of a Costco.  2 things: 1.) If you don't want to feed bears, don't put out a delicious spread of meat and pastries, bears don't care if its "trash", and 2.) people who don't have bear problems = members of the clean plate club & vegans!
• If you have any suggestions for my next Google adventure, please send your suggestions to www.noonegivesadamn.org (jk, you can actually suggest things to me, for realzies)

In the next couple weeks, I hope to get a couple guest bloggers on here soon, two in particular being Doctor Love and Royer, the Olympic Correspondent.


Olympic Countdown: 69 Days
This week's pre-Olympic Betting Odds: # of medals (men or women) won by China in Trampoline +/- 3.5

This Month in Bear News!

Despite a lull in reporting on my part, bears have been vigilantly producing news fodder over the past month, so now in an attempt to bring you up to date on all the crucial bear propaganda news, I present:


This Month in Bear News:

In Japan, a group of six bears planned and executed a jailbreak, escaping by climbing on snow drifts to jump the fence around  from their enclosures.  Upon escaping the bears proceeded to straight up murder two old ladies whose job was to feed the bears (dark joke: those ladies took their jobs quite literally... too much?).   The bears were slow to escape from the murder scene and were quickly straight up revenged murdered themselves.


In California and I'm sure everywhere else, apparently people like to text while walking down the street oblivious to what's going on around them. While this may not be as dangerous as texting while driving, this California Bro found out that bears too, are particularly annoyed by oblivious texters getting in their way, as this Good-Samaritan-Bear ventured into the suburbs to help stop the text-walkers plaguing our street. (courtesy of Channel K):

A research team in Germany wasted every one's time and reported that according to DNA samples (I am willing to estimate at least 4 people died retrieving said DNA), big shock coming, brace yourself... polar bears are distantly related to brown bears, having a common ancestor 600,000 years ago.  Surprise everyone! Bears that are white are distant relations to bears that are brown, SCIENCE!

Bears have descended upon Northampton, Massachusetts, apparently feeding on trash and other foods left outside, trashing, literally trashing, peoples yards across town.   The chief compliant, mind you, so far has been the bears messing with their lawns, "Bears have destroyed her wooden trash enclosure and crushed her landscape lighting." WHAT?!?!?  She'll definitely have to make a Home Depot run, now there won't be enough time for Bed Bath & Beyond!!! OUTRAGE!!! Residents have been incensed at the property damage, but no physical altercations have yet occurred. One lady thought it was a good idea to go so far as to talk to the bears... great idea lady, maybe if you talk long enough you can nag the bears out of town. (thanks to Craig for the article)


A grizzly bear has been accused of murdering 6 steers on a Montana ranch, located on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation.  While no direct evidence points to this particular bear, a biologist says he's 90% sure the bear they caught with a baited snare is the culprit.  (Various lawyerings and such:...) Well sir, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?!?  The biologist is shit out of luck in this court though, with no DNA, semen, or video evidence, there's no way to know exactly who murdered those steers.  If the glove (paw print?) doesn't fit, you must acquit!   Lucky for this bear, they snare was meant for a different bear, a known to be a livestock murder being tracked with a microchip, so the state of Montana has given this grizzly a second chance.  What is this grizzly having for lunch today steer JUSTICE!


This month's questionable life-choices-maker is this guy: (courtesy of Tommy)

Favorite part (besides his sideburns and overall hygiene level) is his back-up/safety measure/training tool is the bat or stick strapped to his back.  I bet the bear loves to get whacked with that thing...

Finally, California officials have concluded that a man who claimed a bear saved him during a mountain lion attack is not only crazy, but a liar.  The 69 year old man, claimed to have been staring at the bear "as if they were old friends" moments before a mountain lion attacked him, when the "mama bear" pulled the lion off him, saving his crazy-ass.  The reports were picked up by the gullible local media, before wildlife officials were able verify his story as straight up nonsense.  There had been a total of 16 mountain attacks in the last century, so combined with the fact the bear was his friend, the story's not looking too sturdy.  Later, blood DNA found on his backpack showed no evidence of mountain lion or bear involvement in his ordeal.
Sidebar: Listen guy, I get it, your 69 years old and bored as hell, so you go on a hike and maybe take spill, how embarrassing.  No one cares about a plain old hike, but what better way to spruce up retirement with a some story of a bear saving you from a lion to impress the ladies down at bingo, maybe get yourselves on the local news.  I got you... too bad msnbc is such a ball-buster, come on national media, let the 69 year-old impress his lady friends with a harrowing tale of animal friendship.   BTW, if the bear was driving off the lion, it was so she could eat you herself... (thank you Royer for the article)

Other things:

Obligatory Cruise Ship in the background shot w/ B

• I made it back from the cruise to Mexico and back.

YUM, Laura really like beignets?

Hand Grenades!

• New Orleans is an amazing city, you should all go! There were hand grenades and beignets and plenty of other things to do and see, TOURISM!!!!

• Apartment hunting is so much easier for guys, ladies your standards compared to mine are like skyscrapers compared to a two story motel down by the train tracks... (watch out Back Bay, Sept. 2012)
• Good work on the marathon Jesse and all the other marathoners out there, that was some serious heat to run real far in.  I hope the trip to Sonic afterwards made it worth Jesse's exhaustion!

Jesse's Support Team at Cleveland Circle

• Philpott made it back to China, horay! Still no confirmation what it's like if cats were actually Korean (sorry, inside joke, stupid)
• Congrats to my brother for his hard work on IPV in Ethiopia, I'm willing to volunteer to read it aloud for an audio book version, I promise I'll do the voices and everything... 
• GO BRUINS!!!

Olympic Countdown: 97 Days!!!
Olympic Correspondent Royer has informed me that there's a possibility of an 8 month pregnant lady competing in shooting from Malaysia.
This week's pre-Olympic betting odds: Most overall medals for a Scandinavian country-> Early Favorite-Sweden @ -150 (but I like Norway as a dark horse)

An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies

An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies:
As March comes to a close, the madness subsiding, your bracket busted and your ego bruised, we take stock of how many hours we wasted picking, where guessing at random or flipping a coin may have served you better, who can jump higher or shoot a basketball or straight up cheat their way to victory.  My guessing skills would've been better spent picking teams based on how their mascot would fare in a fight against an angry mother grizzly bear, alas, my bracket was indeed busted, but the madness continued.  Juan picked all the high seeds, Big Brown picked all the religious schools, but Natty was the smartest, he didn't pick at all.  I was fortunate enough to watch the 15-seed Mountain Hawks kicked the chair out from under Duke along side a Lehigh graduate, which was followed by shots and jump start to St. Patrick's Day weekend.  Baylor's jerseys hurt my corneas real good, Charles Barkley hurt my ears real bad (but I could watch him play golf all day...), and my debts have amounted to $5 to the office pool, 1 girly cocktail to a friend, and a balance due of a fraction of a brunch that must contain at least 2 breakfast meats to qualify.  Yet as the final weekend of the delirium of b-ball approaches, I cannot escape the madness.  Unbeknownst to me at the time of booking, my spring vacation brings us through New Orleans, the site of the culmination of my poor bracket choices, so as to wipe the misfortune of UNC's point guards broken wrist in my face one last time as a Kansas fan will undoubtedly puke all over my new shoes (their pumps, nbd, ninja turtle colors, Michelangelo duh!).  So as the hoops comes to a close this weekend, I will be on a boat ship, somewhere on the body of water that BP treats like their own toilet bowl, happily ignoring the conclusion to tournament that has taken so much attention and brainpower.  And when I awake on the Tuesday morning after the final game, I will be still stuck in my own madness, enduring a trip to Mexico and back in the burrito deficient reality I have committed myself to until Easter.

This Week's Movie Review: I asked Juan how much I would have to pay him to go see Wrath of the Titans and write a review... he was out of my price range.  Instead the most recent movie I've seen is Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris.  It was nominated for an Oscar, but didn't win, and I did my best to not get lost once Woody tried to get weird.  I choose to believe it was the sequel to Wedding Crashers, where Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams go to Paris then shit gets awkward and weird. Its not a bad movie by any means, but if I think if you like Woody Allen then this is your wheelhouse.  All I took away was Ernest Hemingway was a man's man and French ladies like Owen Wilson's crooked nose. Rating: 3 hand claps and a sleeping beauty sticker (B slept through 80% of this one)!

This Week in Bear News:  A bear expert says that 98% of people walk away from bear encounters who use bear spray, where as only 56% walk away unharmed when they use guns.  So bear spray is like pepper spray but stronger and can be sprayed farther.  Breaking news: apparently bear's don't like cayenne pepper in their eyes.  I don't know but to me it sounds like the bears have gotten to the bear expert, he can't be trusted.... pepper spray vs. gun?  If you can't hit a bear shooting a gun, then why are you hunting bears people?  Also, the bears are obviously resolved to kill the person with the gun and take it for themselves, duh!  Do you think a bear wants your stupid pepper spray, nope.  Lets just hope the bears don't get gun licences through this corrupted bear expert or we're all screwed.

Olympic Countdown: 121 Days
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: Over/Under # of USA Gold Medals~ 34.5

Foreign Policy and Bears

Happy Friday everybody, lots of important, intellectually challenging issues to sort through today.


Foreign Policy Discussion:  I was recently informed by my good friend from college, I'll refer to him Hiphopanonymous (so he/she (gender confusion, I'm so tricky Philpott! Oopps, oh shit.....) doesn't get Chinese finger trapped or waterboarded),  that this blog is not available to him in China, where he has been for work for a few months.  This raises the issue of this blog's foreign relations policy, specifically towards certain countries that may block interwebs and eat lots of ginger.  First, I support freedom (issue for further discussion, is freedom free? AMERICA!) and believe that people should be able to access the internets if they're not terrorists or mean to animals.  Second, as a ginger, people eating ginger makes me nervous.  I'm sorry, its just a thing I have.  But do Chinese even eat ginger?  How do I eat sushi?  This all just silly, so I will reach out to China to allow/unblock this blog, it's not as uppity as those facepages.  By my estimates the rural Chinese, 45-55, female demographic is my 3rd strongest audience, behind deaf-Australian-goat farmers-under-30 and former hosts of the Family Feud.  So China, open up your interwebs to this blog, then maybe you'd be hipper than North Korea?
Side-Bar: (Dear college that I graduated from, please don't take away my Poli-Sci minor for this past paragraph, thanks. Love, Nick, P.S.- fire our basketball coach, he's stupid and turrible)

Venting Rant of the week: For lent this year, I am attempting to give up Burritos.  Apparently for 40 days I'm subsituting delicious Mexican cuisine that has become a staple of my diet for crazy pills.  Various ramifications have to be decided, like at what point is a fajita not a burrito and what about the rest of Mexican food?  Breakfast burritos are gone, I can't really order anything at Anna's, Chipotle, or any other amazing burrito place that I would normally love without my endeavor of will-power coming into questions.  D-R-A-M-A.  Well, I don't know how long I'll last, but I'll do my best, but after Easter, I may eat only in burrito form for a week, updates to come (because I know you all care so, so much)...

Listing things Friday!: Cities I'd like to travel to-->North American Version!

1. New Orleans-->Fortunately for me, I (don't worry, Juan is coming too) finally be visiting the Crescent City at the end of this month before and after a cruise to Mexico (first cruise ever & first trip to Mexico), who's got suggested places to go/things to do/questionable decisions to make?
2. Las Vegas-->self-explanatory, stupid
3. San Francisco--> I hear good things, question for the San Fran natives: is it frowned upon to run around reenacting scenes from the super smash hit, The Rock?  (True story: receiving a somewhat racist hello from Thunder-Butt from San Fran makes me want to go more, is that kosher?)
4. San Diego--> I want to go that... the baddest Zoo around, nice weather? Is this even a question?
5. Montreal-->This one comes with rules, only in the summer and no hockey related events (trying to stay out of trouble) otherwise everything else is on the table
6. Chicago--> Never been to the midwest, thought Chicago would a jump off city
7. Detroit--> Hahaha, just kidding... (sorry Thunder-Butt, Laura, Eminem, and Kid Rock)
8. Vancouver-->same policy as Montreal
9. DC--> But only if I can go through Baltimore before or after to witness some magic...
10. Philadelphia--> They hammer people there and Ian's stories sound in need of investigatory journalism

This Week in Bear News: This video was brought to my attention (thank you T-Dawg), as it depicts a group of tourists rudely interrupting and harassing (fairly certain it was of the non-sexual persuasion) this Grizzly Bear, who was minding his own business but had to rep his turf.  That's right lady with the hood on, better respect this bear's street cred!

I'd also like to salute Wojtek of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company of the Polish II Corps who served during  WWII.  Wojtek was brown bear cub that adopted and listed as a private by the Polish unit, who's job was to haul ammunition around.  My speculation is that tf the bear had been given a gun and the freedom to form an all-bear unit, the war would've been over immideately and Poland would now be a world super-power.  (Thanks Juan for the tip-off)



Olympic Countdown: 146 Days to go.  And I just discovered the Modern pentathlon! Pistols, swords fighting, swimming, horse riding, and running is an actual event and exists?  The winner of this event should just be named bad-ass extraordinaire!
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: # of total medals China will win in Table Tennis +/- 4

Leap Day Nonsense

Today is February 29, Leap Day! After pondering what I would like to do with an extra February day I decided upon utilizing my superior interwebs research abilities and discovering what is leap day all about and to sort through important questions like:

1. Why is this extra day added on at the end of February and not some other month? ( those jerks, the Romans, did it with their calendar reforms. What were they thinking? They could've added a 32nd day in July, wtf!)
2. Does leap day count as real life? (leap day is day for questionable decisions that otherwise would be reprehensible, so they should not count toward the other boring days on the calendar, duh)
3. If you can't read on February 28, will you be literate on the 29? (obviously, it's science)
4. What's the deal with Europeans and marriage traditions on leap day?

As for question 4, it required some research.  Apparently in some places (by some places, I mean Ireland, crazytown, and Eastern Europe) women are encouraged to propose marriage to men on February 29.  Apparently if the man refuses he has pay the woman off or buy her a dress or 12 pairs of gloves.  This leads me to suspect a Leap Day phenomena of an increased instances of gold digging.  Great job Eastern Europe, lets help out ladies' rights by promoting marriage proposals as means for increasing woman's dress and glove collections.  Follow-up question, who needs 12 pairs of gloves (other than accessorizing furiously)?  Also, what about same sex couples, who is supposed to propose to whom on leap day?  Greece went the complete opposite direction here, saying its unlucky to marry on February 29 (a February wedding? ghastly, woof!).  I see what the Greek women did here, try to pull a fast one and eliminate the opportunity for all the Greek husbands to skip out on 75% of anniversaries.  In Greece's current financial state, couldn't they use a cut back on anniversary floral arrangement and jewelry?  Just saying....  And leap day birthdays (celebrity all-star crew of Taylor Twellman, Ja Rule, and Tony Robbins), don't even get me started (but how awesome would it be to have an actual excuse to act like a 7 year old when  you're 30?)....


Moving on, I recently took trip to Georgia to visit family, B came along for the trip, while it was not my first trip south, we definitely had some highlights:

• We found out what a +30,000 student state school is like when staying in Athens, which is legit college town, as this was the first time I actually stayed downtown (our suite was covered in bulldog/UGA decor).  Lots of cool bars, whole bunch of restaurants and from what I gathered an interesting music scene, not expected out of this trip but fun nonetheless.  UGA is huge, their football stadium is huger, and if you don't like bulldogs go f*** yourself!  Also saw the building where my parents first met, kinda sappy but thanks UGA Psychology Department?
• While visiting my grandparents, we were able to hear quite a few stories from back in the day (credit to B for her skills with the elderly and asking questions), including the gem about my grandfather getting kicked off the bus and walking 4 miles home for throwing the bus driver's broom out the bus window (explanation from my grandfather- "she was a grump")
• Food I ate=Grits, Sausage and Biscuits, Peach French Toast, BBQ, Brunswick stew, Chicken Mull, Country Ham, Sweet Potato candy pie casserole, and many more dishes not found readily in Massachusetts. I also gave into peer pressure and tried a burger with peanut butter on it, not terrible (I was told to go by the name of P.B. Sims).  I am quite certain that I would weigh at least 400lbs should I live in that state.
• I am fairly certain that Habersham County Georgia has a law restricting the number of eateries that can serve salad or non-fried vegetables.  I believe the county has only issued such 3 licences to various eateries.
• Have you seen a coyote carcass? (Those a-holes eat all the barn cats!)  Coyotes down there can get pretty big, almost looked like a wolf...
• Biggest highlight is finding long lost home video footage of my brother and myself from 1989.  Let's just say I wasn't the best at taking direction and my table manners leave a lot to be desired... (video footage hopefully coming soon...)

Oscars: Oscars, you disappoint me.  I like your Cirque du Soliel performance and Borat dumping ashes on Ryan Seacrest, but the I guess I didn't see enough movies this year to pick an Oscars pool correctly.  Also, next year, please note I prefer the motion pictures with the talking, the "talkies" I believe they are referred to.

Picture of cat and bear from 2006

This week in Bear News: A cat the chased a bear up a tree in 2006, was found murdered outside it's New Jersey home.  The suspect, the black bear from the 2006 incident, has been brought in for questioning, but has not been charged.


On a sad note, the co-author of the children's book bear propaganda, the Berenstain Bears, Jan Berenstain, passed away last week.





Countdown to the Olympics: 148 Days until the London Summer Olympics.  Olympic correspondent Royer and I will begin our preparations for covering the shenanigans and hooliganism of these meaningless and breathtaking displays of athleticism, heroism, and world dominance by Home Depot employees.
Today's Pre-Olympic betting odds: # of medals Finland will win for non-shooting events: +/- 1.5

FC Greenstorm as Dog Breeds

While watching the Westminster dog show the other night, which a pekingese won (wtf?), I was given the idea of comparing people to dog breeds. There's the old comparing how people look to dogs or what kind of dogs people themselves have or like, but while those may be a factor, I lean more towards the personality/behavior matching approach.  Now, what better way to offend my friends then assign them dog breeds, I hope to start a rousing debate and hurt many feelings, hopefully not all my own... I encourage comments and suggestions if my research proves inaccurate or utterly offensive.  So here, in no particular order are a few of my friends as dog breeds (if I didn't do you, I'll try to do add on or do more later, but this is scientific process and takes time)...

Jon-Afghan Hound : Too easy! Skinny and fast like a greyhound, but also described as cat-like when lounging around the house.  While the Afghan Hound was originally bred to hunt swift game like gazelle and shit in rugged terrain, Jon was bred to become the greatest big buck hunter around (have you seen the leader board of the our wii big buck hunter?).  And while he may not have the long pretty coat of the Afghan Hound, when he grows it out, Jon's can have a mighty old Jew-fro!  All dogs tend to fall in-love with Jon, so why wouldn't everyone fall in love with the regal Afghan Hound?


Laura- Labrador Retriever: I had a hard time with Laura, knowing she can do work (taxes, stupid!), but also likes the finer things in life, while being able to rock kick-ass day-drinking shoes for adventures!  Matching her multi-faceted lifestyle, in the end I had to revert to her beau at home, Ginny the Lab.  At heart, Ginny is a fashionista, loves w-a-l-k-s, is a connoisseur of all fine European deli meats, and adores Jon.   What more need I explain?



Kevin- Chihuahua Parson Russel Terrier: I forget if Kevin himself mentioned chihuahua, but my research turned up another small breed for this non-dog associating person.  This high energy dog will often find itself in the middle of an ordeal or mischief, sounds about right for Kevin who's always up for an adventure, to wander or explore.  Surely with frequent grooming this guy could resemble my Supercuts-regular roommate.  Both have active personalities and have dubious abilities to interact with cats and rodents, but are suprisingly good with horses???  (Note-Kevin, before you get excited, Wishbone was a Jack Russell Terrier, so no, this breed cannot read...)



Jesse- Boxer: I was very close to going with an Scottish Deerhound , but the personality of a Boxer is a well-suited match for for my tree house companion. Here's a list of words describing the Boxer: "playful, exuberant, inquisitive, attentive, demonstrative, devoted and outgoing."  Boxer's like to be active and run around, so does Jesse.  I think its a good match, but I could see an arguement for more scraggly looking dogs with goatees and beards, closer to the fedora-totting personality of Mr. Plate.





Becca- Pembroke Welsh Corgi: This one might be skewed, as I had my mind made up going into the process the B would a corgi.  I decided on the Pembroke Welsh type because they are small and very cute.  Short legs, good with children, fun-loving, amiable (to dog treats/people treats).  Sounds like a match to me!  Plus look at those ears, they can hear everything!


Royer- Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen: ROYER!!! I found you a best friend!  The PBGV likes to be merry, is inquisitive, always on the lookout for excitement and fun, and loves to explore.  If that doesn't sound like Royer, then I give up.  I couldn't find anything about the PBGV's scrapbooking abilities, but for a fact-finding mission we have a winner.  Altough the breed is French, and Royer is from Delaware, the PBGV surely appeals to Royer's global sensibilities and would be great in an art class or two...



Bobby- Bernese Mountain Dog- My research led me to Akita, but Robert Walter could be anything from a Pit Bull to Irish Wolfhound.  Bernese Mountain Dog is my choice because I can see Robert Walter pulling a wagon like I've seen this breed do.  Hardworking or easygoing, it don't matter.  The most fitting description I read was "calm family companion (that is, after it leaves its adolescent stage)".  I'm guessing that Bob can probably come up with a better example for himself, but at least my guess has him as a pretty dog.


Trisha- German Shepard: Sorry, I did zero research on this one.  T-Dawg definitely has to be a German Shepard in my opinion, with Charles (in-Charge) and Nika (half cold blooded killer) at home, there's just no argument against this breed coming to mind.  Again, as a dog professional, she may have a better idea, but somehow I think she may agree.  Plus I just wanted another excuse to post the picture of Charlie wearing a fedora!










Cory- German Shepard/Bearnese Mountain Dog Mix: Umm, if I have to explain this to you, you obviously don't know where babies come from!  I found this picture of a mix but it can't hold up against actual pictures of Cory!

Matty- German Shorthaired Pointer- My research turned up this awesome breed for Matty.  I don't have an clear explanation of how I got here, but I know that Matty likes this breed.  An athletic hunting dog, it corresponds well to Matty's abilities in the big buck hunter arena.  Also described as possibly too boisterous for small children, which for some reason resonated with Matty in my head (yelling at children, T-squad swim class maybe?)?





Samara- Goldendoodle-  One of the few suggestions I received before hand that stuck.  Smart like a poodle, friendly like a golden retriever, boom done! I know the hair colors don't match but who cares!  As much as I wanted to make Samara a Samoyed, that would be just silly!  Also a tough decision to not go with the dog who dresses up like David Wright outside Citi Field.




Craig- Boston Terrier: I'm just getting lazy now, but how can Craig not be a Boston Terrier?  In my mind he has become synonymous with the breed through Dolly.  "Well-mannered indoors but saucy and playful whenever the chance arises", all business until it's time to play.  Boston Terriers snore and wheeze, and Craig had his share of sinus issues a while back.  Either way, I'm not bothering to go against this one. 




Alex- Miniature Pinscher Schnauzer:  My research brought me to the Miniature Schnauzer, although Alex now has a Min Pin, TOBIAS!  I went away from the min pin and towards schnauzer due to more fitting descriptions such as "well-mannered house dog that also enjoys being in the middle of activities" and it enjoys children, that sounds more like Alex than "perpetual motion machine" and "scrappy with other dogs and may chase small animals".  I'm willing to hear an arguement to the contrary but until I see Alex chasing squrriels and downing caffeine pills, I will go with schnauzer.  Or could go Chow Chow?



Me- Redbone Coonhound:  I will explain in quotes I found-

• "A true American (breed)"
• "aren't clingy or in your face"
• "can become bored with formal training"
• "once the nose hits a scent they are oblivious to much else"

Solves mysteries with its nose, has red hair, hunts raccoon, tolerant of children, and could kick the shit out of a coyote.  That's me... right?

Some other quick hitters for you:

Ian- Portuguese Water Dog

Emwoods- Beagle

Anna- Komondor

Now I'm tired from my exhaustive research to do anymore, but let me know what you think.