Google Machine Friday (part duex)

Today I continue my adventures on the internet by searching the depths of knowledge, henceforth unknown to all but the crazy assholes who have pioneered the internet (speaking of which, do you think Al Gore is any good at Oregon Trial?).  That's right, once again, it's Google Machine Friday!  Here's what I found, what I didn't find, and a few inappropriate things I picked up along the way.  And yes, I Googled murder, and it hasn't changed since the last time I Googled it (Google should probs just sponsor me right?).  These are just a few tidbits from my thorough inquisition of the Google:

• I begin my searching with the deepest philosophical question I can think of... "What happens if there is no Google".  The returns included a few articles about the alternatives to Google and what the internet would be like, but the Google Answers result caught my eye with "what happens if the moon explodes?"  Wait, the moons going to explode?  I thought James Bond foiled that plot in the 70's.  Anyways, completely irrelevant, but thanks Google, that's some valuable information I needed to know.
• On my trip foraging through Google, I took some suggestions from friends, which led me to Zoo Tycoon, a popular computer game where you build a zoo.  But Google did not stop there, they provided cheats to Zoo Tycoon.  Well if you're too impatient or just a straight up baller, I can hook you up with magic fences or unlock a Triceratops! 
• In my attempt to become a gypsy, Google found me a website that teaches you how to read palms!  So if you want me to know about your love life, energy, general hygiene, if in fact you have a broken fingers, or your fate, I WILL KNOW if you show me your hands!
• I want this!
• Google auto ask feature is dangerous, dangerous tool.  They will tell you what all the other crazy people are trying to find out, and some of them are up to noooo good
• I am running a 5 mile race at Harpoon on Sunday, so I asked Google how to run 5 miles.  Google's response:

Valid question...

• Google suggestion #2- Richard Jenkins.  Apparently Laura works with his son, but Richard Jenkins is an actor who, played Dr. Doback in the best movie ever, Step Brothers.  I found his Google search results to be rather bland so here's a blurb that can spice up his results:  His portrayal of a fed-up doctor and father was riveting and masterful, and left me in awe after proclaiming "rumpus time is over" and his description of his ambitions to be a dinosaur (how is that even a skill?) left me in tears. I was disgusted to learn he wasn't even nominated for an oscar, which I will write my congressman/woman about.  Richard Jenkins, a true American, indeed.
• And of course, I asked Google what bears were up to in the news... This Week in Bear News: A 400 pound bear in California was harassed by police while going through a woman's trash before lumbering off into the hillside. This was the second time the bear had sifted through the garbage, and the woman suspected the bear wanted the chicken, rice, and pastries that she had thrown out, this coming weeks after another California bear was caught eating meatballs outside of a Costco.  2 things: 1.) If you don't want to feed bears, don't put out a delicious spread of meat and pastries, bears don't care if its "trash", and 2.) people who don't have bear problems = members of the clean plate club & vegans!
• If you have any suggestions for my next Google adventure, please send your suggestions to www.noonegivesadamn.org (jk, you can actually suggest things to me, for realzies)

In the next couple weeks, I hope to get a couple guest bloggers on here soon, two in particular being Doctor Love and Royer, the Olympic Correspondent.


Olympic Countdown: 69 Days
This week's pre-Olympic Betting Odds: # of medals (men or women) won by China in Trampoline +/- 3.5

This Month in Bear News!

Despite a lull in reporting on my part, bears have been vigilantly producing news fodder over the past month, so now in an attempt to bring you up to date on all the crucial bear propaganda news, I present:


This Month in Bear News:

In Japan, a group of six bears planned and executed a jailbreak, escaping by climbing on snow drifts to jump the fence around  from their enclosures.  Upon escaping the bears proceeded to straight up murder two old ladies whose job was to feed the bears (dark joke: those ladies took their jobs quite literally... too much?).   The bears were slow to escape from the murder scene and were quickly straight up revenged murdered themselves.


In California and I'm sure everywhere else, apparently people like to text while walking down the street oblivious to what's going on around them. While this may not be as dangerous as texting while driving, this California Bro found out that bears too, are particularly annoyed by oblivious texters getting in their way, as this Good-Samaritan-Bear ventured into the suburbs to help stop the text-walkers plaguing our street. (courtesy of Channel K):

A research team in Germany wasted every one's time and reported that according to DNA samples (I am willing to estimate at least 4 people died retrieving said DNA), big shock coming, brace yourself... polar bears are distantly related to brown bears, having a common ancestor 600,000 years ago.  Surprise everyone! Bears that are white are distant relations to bears that are brown, SCIENCE!

Bears have descended upon Northampton, Massachusetts, apparently feeding on trash and other foods left outside, trashing, literally trashing, peoples yards across town.   The chief compliant, mind you, so far has been the bears messing with their lawns, "Bears have destroyed her wooden trash enclosure and crushed her landscape lighting." WHAT?!?!?  She'll definitely have to make a Home Depot run, now there won't be enough time for Bed Bath & Beyond!!! OUTRAGE!!! Residents have been incensed at the property damage, but no physical altercations have yet occurred. One lady thought it was a good idea to go so far as to talk to the bears... great idea lady, maybe if you talk long enough you can nag the bears out of town. (thanks to Craig for the article)


A grizzly bear has been accused of murdering 6 steers on a Montana ranch, located on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation.  While no direct evidence points to this particular bear, a biologist says he's 90% sure the bear they caught with a baited snare is the culprit.  (Various lawyerings and such:...) Well sir, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?!?  The biologist is shit out of luck in this court though, with no DNA, semen, or video evidence, there's no way to know exactly who murdered those steers.  If the glove (paw print?) doesn't fit, you must acquit!   Lucky for this bear, they snare was meant for a different bear, a known to be a livestock murder being tracked with a microchip, so the state of Montana has given this grizzly a second chance.  What is this grizzly having for lunch today steer JUSTICE!


This month's questionable life-choices-maker is this guy: (courtesy of Tommy)

Favorite part (besides his sideburns and overall hygiene level) is his back-up/safety measure/training tool is the bat or stick strapped to his back.  I bet the bear loves to get whacked with that thing...

Finally, California officials have concluded that a man who claimed a bear saved him during a mountain lion attack is not only crazy, but a liar.  The 69 year old man, claimed to have been staring at the bear "as if they were old friends" moments before a mountain lion attacked him, when the "mama bear" pulled the lion off him, saving his crazy-ass.  The reports were picked up by the gullible local media, before wildlife officials were able verify his story as straight up nonsense.  There had been a total of 16 mountain attacks in the last century, so combined with the fact the bear was his friend, the story's not looking too sturdy.  Later, blood DNA found on his backpack showed no evidence of mountain lion or bear involvement in his ordeal.
Sidebar: Listen guy, I get it, your 69 years old and bored as hell, so you go on a hike and maybe take spill, how embarrassing.  No one cares about a plain old hike, but what better way to spruce up retirement with a some story of a bear saving you from a lion to impress the ladies down at bingo, maybe get yourselves on the local news.  I got you... too bad msnbc is such a ball-buster, come on national media, let the 69 year-old impress his lady friends with a harrowing tale of animal friendship.   BTW, if the bear was driving off the lion, it was so she could eat you herself... (thank you Royer for the article)

Other things:

Obligatory Cruise Ship in the background shot w/ B

• I made it back from the cruise to Mexico and back.

YUM, Laura really like beignets?

Hand Grenades!

• New Orleans is an amazing city, you should all go! There were hand grenades and beignets and plenty of other things to do and see, TOURISM!!!!

• Apartment hunting is so much easier for guys, ladies your standards compared to mine are like skyscrapers compared to a two story motel down by the train tracks... (watch out Back Bay, Sept. 2012)
• Good work on the marathon Jesse and all the other marathoners out there, that was some serious heat to run real far in.  I hope the trip to Sonic afterwards made it worth Jesse's exhaustion!

Jesse's Support Team at Cleveland Circle

• Philpott made it back to China, horay! Still no confirmation what it's like if cats were actually Korean (sorry, inside joke, stupid)
• Congrats to my brother for his hard work on IPV in Ethiopia, I'm willing to volunteer to read it aloud for an audio book version, I promise I'll do the voices and everything... 
• GO BRUINS!!!

Olympic Countdown: 97 Days!!!
Olympic Correspondent Royer has informed me that there's a possibility of an 8 month pregnant lady competing in shooting from Malaysia.
This week's pre-Olympic betting odds: Most overall medals for a Scandinavian country-> Early Favorite-Sweden @ -150 (but I like Norway as a dark horse)

An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies

An Ode to March's Athletically-Induced Mental Maladies:
As March comes to a close, the madness subsiding, your bracket busted and your ego bruised, we take stock of how many hours we wasted picking, where guessing at random or flipping a coin may have served you better, who can jump higher or shoot a basketball or straight up cheat their way to victory.  My guessing skills would've been better spent picking teams based on how their mascot would fare in a fight against an angry mother grizzly bear, alas, my bracket was indeed busted, but the madness continued.  Juan picked all the high seeds, Big Brown picked all the religious schools, but Natty was the smartest, he didn't pick at all.  I was fortunate enough to watch the 15-seed Mountain Hawks kicked the chair out from under Duke along side a Lehigh graduate, which was followed by shots and jump start to St. Patrick's Day weekend.  Baylor's jerseys hurt my corneas real good, Charles Barkley hurt my ears real bad (but I could watch him play golf all day...), and my debts have amounted to $5 to the office pool, 1 girly cocktail to a friend, and a balance due of a fraction of a brunch that must contain at least 2 breakfast meats to qualify.  Yet as the final weekend of the delirium of b-ball approaches, I cannot escape the madness.  Unbeknownst to me at the time of booking, my spring vacation brings us through New Orleans, the site of the culmination of my poor bracket choices, so as to wipe the misfortune of UNC's point guards broken wrist in my face one last time as a Kansas fan will undoubtedly puke all over my new shoes (their pumps, nbd, ninja turtle colors, Michelangelo duh!).  So as the hoops comes to a close this weekend, I will be on a boat ship, somewhere on the body of water that BP treats like their own toilet bowl, happily ignoring the conclusion to tournament that has taken so much attention and brainpower.  And when I awake on the Tuesday morning after the final game, I will be still stuck in my own madness, enduring a trip to Mexico and back in the burrito deficient reality I have committed myself to until Easter.

This Week's Movie Review: I asked Juan how much I would have to pay him to go see Wrath of the Titans and write a review... he was out of my price range.  Instead the most recent movie I've seen is Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris.  It was nominated for an Oscar, but didn't win, and I did my best to not get lost once Woody tried to get weird.  I choose to believe it was the sequel to Wedding Crashers, where Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams go to Paris then shit gets awkward and weird. Its not a bad movie by any means, but if I think if you like Woody Allen then this is your wheelhouse.  All I took away was Ernest Hemingway was a man's man and French ladies like Owen Wilson's crooked nose. Rating: 3 hand claps and a sleeping beauty sticker (B slept through 80% of this one)!

This Week in Bear News:  A bear expert says that 98% of people walk away from bear encounters who use bear spray, where as only 56% walk away unharmed when they use guns.  So bear spray is like pepper spray but stronger and can be sprayed farther.  Breaking news: apparently bear's don't like cayenne pepper in their eyes.  I don't know but to me it sounds like the bears have gotten to the bear expert, he can't be trusted.... pepper spray vs. gun?  If you can't hit a bear shooting a gun, then why are you hunting bears people?  Also, the bears are obviously resolved to kill the person with the gun and take it for themselves, duh!  Do you think a bear wants your stupid pepper spray, nope.  Lets just hope the bears don't get gun licences through this corrupted bear expert or we're all screwed.

Olympic Countdown: 121 Days
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: Over/Under # of USA Gold Medals~ 34.5

Foreign Policy and Bears

Happy Friday everybody, lots of important, intellectually challenging issues to sort through today.


Foreign Policy Discussion:  I was recently informed by my good friend from college, I'll refer to him Hiphopanonymous (so he/she (gender confusion, I'm so tricky Philpott! Oopps, oh shit.....) doesn't get Chinese finger trapped or waterboarded),  that this blog is not available to him in China, where he has been for work for a few months.  This raises the issue of this blog's foreign relations policy, specifically towards certain countries that may block interwebs and eat lots of ginger.  First, I support freedom (issue for further discussion, is freedom free? AMERICA!) and believe that people should be able to access the internets if they're not terrorists or mean to animals.  Second, as a ginger, people eating ginger makes me nervous.  I'm sorry, its just a thing I have.  But do Chinese even eat ginger?  How do I eat sushi?  This all just silly, so I will reach out to China to allow/unblock this blog, it's not as uppity as those facepages.  By my estimates the rural Chinese, 45-55, female demographic is my 3rd strongest audience, behind deaf-Australian-goat farmers-under-30 and former hosts of the Family Feud.  So China, open up your interwebs to this blog, then maybe you'd be hipper than North Korea?
Side-Bar: (Dear college that I graduated from, please don't take away my Poli-Sci minor for this past paragraph, thanks. Love, Nick, P.S.- fire our basketball coach, he's stupid and turrible)

Venting Rant of the week: For lent this year, I am attempting to give up Burritos.  Apparently for 40 days I'm subsituting delicious Mexican cuisine that has become a staple of my diet for crazy pills.  Various ramifications have to be decided, like at what point is a fajita not a burrito and what about the rest of Mexican food?  Breakfast burritos are gone, I can't really order anything at Anna's, Chipotle, or any other amazing burrito place that I would normally love without my endeavor of will-power coming into questions.  D-R-A-M-A.  Well, I don't know how long I'll last, but I'll do my best, but after Easter, I may eat only in burrito form for a week, updates to come (because I know you all care so, so much)...

Listing things Friday!: Cities I'd like to travel to-->North American Version!

1. New Orleans-->Fortunately for me, I (don't worry, Juan is coming too) finally be visiting the Crescent City at the end of this month before and after a cruise to Mexico (first cruise ever & first trip to Mexico), who's got suggested places to go/things to do/questionable decisions to make?
2. Las Vegas-->self-explanatory, stupid
3. San Francisco--> I hear good things, question for the San Fran natives: is it frowned upon to run around reenacting scenes from the super smash hit, The Rock?  (True story: receiving a somewhat racist hello from Thunder-Butt from San Fran makes me want to go more, is that kosher?)
4. San Diego--> I want to go that... the baddest Zoo around, nice weather? Is this even a question?
5. Montreal-->This one comes with rules, only in the summer and no hockey related events (trying to stay out of trouble) otherwise everything else is on the table
6. Chicago--> Never been to the midwest, thought Chicago would a jump off city
7. Detroit--> Hahaha, just kidding... (sorry Thunder-Butt, Laura, Eminem, and Kid Rock)
8. Vancouver-->same policy as Montreal
9. DC--> But only if I can go through Baltimore before or after to witness some magic...
10. Philadelphia--> They hammer people there and Ian's stories sound in need of investigatory journalism

This Week in Bear News: This video was brought to my attention (thank you T-Dawg), as it depicts a group of tourists rudely interrupting and harassing (fairly certain it was of the non-sexual persuasion) this Grizzly Bear, who was minding his own business but had to rep his turf.  That's right lady with the hood on, better respect this bear's street cred!

I'd also like to salute Wojtek of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company of the Polish II Corps who served during  WWII.  Wojtek was brown bear cub that adopted and listed as a private by the Polish unit, who's job was to haul ammunition around.  My speculation is that tf the bear had been given a gun and the freedom to form an all-bear unit, the war would've been over immideately and Poland would now be a world super-power.  (Thanks Juan for the tip-off)



Olympic Countdown: 146 Days to go.  And I just discovered the Modern pentathlon! Pistols, swords fighting, swimming, horse riding, and running is an actual event and exists?  The winner of this event should just be named bad-ass extraordinaire!
Today's Pre-Olympic Betting Odds: # of total medals China will win in Table Tennis +/- 4

Leap Day Nonsense

Today is February 29, Leap Day! After pondering what I would like to do with an extra February day I decided upon utilizing my superior interwebs research abilities and discovering what is leap day all about and to sort through important questions like:

1. Why is this extra day added on at the end of February and not some other month? ( those jerks, the Romans, did it with their calendar reforms. What were they thinking? They could've added a 32nd day in July, wtf!)
2. Does leap day count as real life? (leap day is day for questionable decisions that otherwise would be reprehensible, so they should not count toward the other boring days on the calendar, duh)
3. If you can't read on February 28, will you be literate on the 29? (obviously, it's science)
4. What's the deal with Europeans and marriage traditions on leap day?

As for question 4, it required some research.  Apparently in some places (by some places, I mean Ireland, crazytown, and Eastern Europe) women are encouraged to propose marriage to men on February 29.  Apparently if the man refuses he has pay the woman off or buy her a dress or 12 pairs of gloves.  This leads me to suspect a Leap Day phenomena of an increased instances of gold digging.  Great job Eastern Europe, lets help out ladies' rights by promoting marriage proposals as means for increasing woman's dress and glove collections.  Follow-up question, who needs 12 pairs of gloves (other than accessorizing furiously)?  Also, what about same sex couples, who is supposed to propose to whom on leap day?  Greece went the complete opposite direction here, saying its unlucky to marry on February 29 (a February wedding? ghastly, woof!).  I see what the Greek women did here, try to pull a fast one and eliminate the opportunity for all the Greek husbands to skip out on 75% of anniversaries.  In Greece's current financial state, couldn't they use a cut back on anniversary floral arrangement and jewelry?  Just saying....  And leap day birthdays (celebrity all-star crew of Taylor Twellman, Ja Rule, and Tony Robbins), don't even get me started (but how awesome would it be to have an actual excuse to act like a 7 year old when  you're 30?)....


Moving on, I recently took trip to Georgia to visit family, B came along for the trip, while it was not my first trip south, we definitely had some highlights:

• We found out what a +30,000 student state school is like when staying in Athens, which is legit college town, as this was the first time I actually stayed downtown (our suite was covered in bulldog/UGA decor).  Lots of cool bars, whole bunch of restaurants and from what I gathered an interesting music scene, not expected out of this trip but fun nonetheless.  UGA is huge, their football stadium is huger, and if you don't like bulldogs go f*** yourself!  Also saw the building where my parents first met, kinda sappy but thanks UGA Psychology Department?
• While visiting my grandparents, we were able to hear quite a few stories from back in the day (credit to B for her skills with the elderly and asking questions), including the gem about my grandfather getting kicked off the bus and walking 4 miles home for throwing the bus driver's broom out the bus window (explanation from my grandfather- "she was a grump")
• Food I ate=Grits, Sausage and Biscuits, Peach French Toast, BBQ, Brunswick stew, Chicken Mull, Country Ham, Sweet Potato candy pie casserole, and many more dishes not found readily in Massachusetts. I also gave into peer pressure and tried a burger with peanut butter on it, not terrible (I was told to go by the name of P.B. Sims).  I am quite certain that I would weigh at least 400lbs should I live in that state.
• I am fairly certain that Habersham County Georgia has a law restricting the number of eateries that can serve salad or non-fried vegetables.  I believe the county has only issued such 3 licences to various eateries.
• Have you seen a coyote carcass? (Those a-holes eat all the barn cats!)  Coyotes down there can get pretty big, almost looked like a wolf...
• Biggest highlight is finding long lost home video footage of my brother and myself from 1989.  Let's just say I wasn't the best at taking direction and my table manners leave a lot to be desired... (video footage hopefully coming soon...)

Oscars: Oscars, you disappoint me.  I like your Cirque du Soliel performance and Borat dumping ashes on Ryan Seacrest, but the I guess I didn't see enough movies this year to pick an Oscars pool correctly.  Also, next year, please note I prefer the motion pictures with the talking, the "talkies" I believe they are referred to.

Picture of cat and bear from 2006

This week in Bear News: A cat the chased a bear up a tree in 2006, was found murdered outside it's New Jersey home.  The suspect, the black bear from the 2006 incident, has been brought in for questioning, but has not been charged.


On a sad note, the co-author of the children's book bear propaganda, the Berenstain Bears, Jan Berenstain, passed away last week.





Countdown to the Olympics: 148 Days until the London Summer Olympics.  Olympic correspondent Royer and I will begin our preparations for covering the shenanigans and hooliganism of these meaningless and breathtaking displays of athleticism, heroism, and world dominance by Home Depot employees.
Today's Pre-Olympic betting odds: # of medals Finland will win for non-shooting events: +/- 1.5

FC Greenstorm as Dog Breeds

While watching the Westminster dog show the other night, which a pekingese won (wtf?), I was given the idea of comparing people to dog breeds. There's the old comparing how people look to dogs or what kind of dogs people themselves have or like, but while those may be a factor, I lean more towards the personality/behavior matching approach.  Now, what better way to offend my friends then assign them dog breeds, I hope to start a rousing debate and hurt many feelings, hopefully not all my own... I encourage comments and suggestions if my research proves inaccurate or utterly offensive.  So here, in no particular order are a few of my friends as dog breeds (if I didn't do you, I'll try to do add on or do more later, but this is scientific process and takes time)...

Jon-Afghan Hound : Too easy! Skinny and fast like a greyhound, but also described as cat-like when lounging around the house.  While the Afghan Hound was originally bred to hunt swift game like gazelle and shit in rugged terrain, Jon was bred to become the greatest big buck hunter around (have you seen the leader board of the our wii big buck hunter?).  And while he may not have the long pretty coat of the Afghan Hound, when he grows it out, Jon's can have a mighty old Jew-fro!  All dogs tend to fall in-love with Jon, so why wouldn't everyone fall in love with the regal Afghan Hound?


Laura- Labrador Retriever: I had a hard time with Laura, knowing she can do work (taxes, stupid!), but also likes the finer things in life, while being able to rock kick-ass day-drinking shoes for adventures!  Matching her multi-faceted lifestyle, in the end I had to revert to her beau at home, Ginny the Lab.  At heart, Ginny is a fashionista, loves w-a-l-k-s, is a connoisseur of all fine European deli meats, and adores Jon.   What more need I explain?



Kevin- Chihuahua Parson Russel Terrier: I forget if Kevin himself mentioned chihuahua, but my research turned up another small breed for this non-dog associating person.  This high energy dog will often find itself in the middle of an ordeal or mischief, sounds about right for Kevin who's always up for an adventure, to wander or explore.  Surely with frequent grooming this guy could resemble my Supercuts-regular roommate.  Both have active personalities and have dubious abilities to interact with cats and rodents, but are suprisingly good with horses???  (Note-Kevin, before you get excited, Wishbone was a Jack Russell Terrier, so no, this breed cannot read...)



Jesse- Boxer: I was very close to going with an Scottish Deerhound , but the personality of a Boxer is a well-suited match for for my tree house companion. Here's a list of words describing the Boxer: "playful, exuberant, inquisitive, attentive, demonstrative, devoted and outgoing."  Boxer's like to be active and run around, so does Jesse.  I think its a good match, but I could see an arguement for more scraggly looking dogs with goatees and beards, closer to the fedora-totting personality of Mr. Plate.





Becca- Pembroke Welsh Corgi: This one might be skewed, as I had my mind made up going into the process the B would a corgi.  I decided on the Pembroke Welsh type because they are small and very cute.  Short legs, good with children, fun-loving, amiable (to dog treats/people treats).  Sounds like a match to me!  Plus look at those ears, they can hear everything!


Royer- Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen: ROYER!!! I found you a best friend!  The PBGV likes to be merry, is inquisitive, always on the lookout for excitement and fun, and loves to explore.  If that doesn't sound like Royer, then I give up.  I couldn't find anything about the PBGV's scrapbooking abilities, but for a fact-finding mission we have a winner.  Altough the breed is French, and Royer is from Delaware, the PBGV surely appeals to Royer's global sensibilities and would be great in an art class or two...



Bobby- Bernese Mountain Dog- My research led me to Akita, but Robert Walter could be anything from a Pit Bull to Irish Wolfhound.  Bernese Mountain Dog is my choice because I can see Robert Walter pulling a wagon like I've seen this breed do.  Hardworking or easygoing, it don't matter.  The most fitting description I read was "calm family companion (that is, after it leaves its adolescent stage)".  I'm guessing that Bob can probably come up with a better example for himself, but at least my guess has him as a pretty dog.


Trisha- German Shepard: Sorry, I did zero research on this one.  T-Dawg definitely has to be a German Shepard in my opinion, with Charles (in-Charge) and Nika (half cold blooded killer) at home, there's just no argument against this breed coming to mind.  Again, as a dog professional, she may have a better idea, but somehow I think she may agree.  Plus I just wanted another excuse to post the picture of Charlie wearing a fedora!










Cory- German Shepard/Bearnese Mountain Dog Mix: Umm, if I have to explain this to you, you obviously don't know where babies come from!  I found this picture of a mix but it can't hold up against actual pictures of Cory!

Matty- German Shorthaired Pointer- My research turned up this awesome breed for Matty.  I don't have an clear explanation of how I got here, but I know that Matty likes this breed.  An athletic hunting dog, it corresponds well to Matty's abilities in the big buck hunter arena.  Also described as possibly too boisterous for small children, which for some reason resonated with Matty in my head (yelling at children, T-squad swim class maybe?)?





Samara- Goldendoodle-  One of the few suggestions I received before hand that stuck.  Smart like a poodle, friendly like a golden retriever, boom done! I know the hair colors don't match but who cares!  As much as I wanted to make Samara a Samoyed, that would be just silly!  Also a tough decision to not go with the dog who dresses up like David Wright outside Citi Field.




Craig- Boston Terrier: I'm just getting lazy now, but how can Craig not be a Boston Terrier?  In my mind he has become synonymous with the breed through Dolly.  "Well-mannered indoors but saucy and playful whenever the chance arises", all business until it's time to play.  Boston Terriers snore and wheeze, and Craig had his share of sinus issues a while back.  Either way, I'm not bothering to go against this one. 




Alex- Miniature Pinscher Schnauzer:  My research brought me to the Miniature Schnauzer, although Alex now has a Min Pin, TOBIAS!  I went away from the min pin and towards schnauzer due to more fitting descriptions such as "well-mannered house dog that also enjoys being in the middle of activities" and it enjoys children, that sounds more like Alex than "perpetual motion machine" and "scrappy with other dogs and may chase small animals".  I'm willing to hear an arguement to the contrary but until I see Alex chasing squrriels and downing caffeine pills, I will go with schnauzer.  Or could go Chow Chow?



Me- Redbone Coonhound:  I will explain in quotes I found-

• "A true American (breed)"
• "aren't clingy or in your face"
• "can become bored with formal training"
• "once the nose hits a scent they are oblivious to much else"

Solves mysteries with its nose, has red hair, hunts raccoon, tolerant of children, and could kick the shit out of a coyote.  That's me... right?

Some other quick hitters for you:

Ian- Portuguese Water Dog

Emwoods- Beagle

Anna- Komondor

Now I'm tired from my exhaustive research to do anymore, but let me know what you think.

Groundhog Day (versions 1.0 & 2.0), New Hampshire & Sports Talkings!

Question: Did I wake up this morning expecting it to be Thursday, February 2, 2012?--No, that's just stupid. I know how a calendar works genius.
Question: Did I wake up this morning hoping it would be Thursday, February 2, 2012 version 2.0?--YES!!!

Although my fantasy of experiencing Billy Murray's 1993 smash-hit Groundhog Day first-hand has been dashed (and no, I can't remember how that movie ends and will refuse to learn any morals whatsoever from that movie other than how curly Andie MacDowell's hair was), that doesn't mean I can't yell profanities at rodents on the TV every morning, as I did yesterday when Phil told me there was going to be more winter (although I'm fairly certain that winter hasn't even hit Boston yet, which I've totally just jinxed, you're welcome everybody) because I have put all my eggs in the basket of one specific groundhog in Pennsylvania controlling the weather for six weeks of the year which he then "tells" to a man wearing a top hat (who may or may no be a registered sex offender... what too much? Okay fine, he's not registered, we can only speculate what's on his creepy, creepy criminal record).  I'm pretty sure that's how the weather works,  it's science.  Every 6 weeks a different animal will tell us how hot its gonna be or if it's gonna rain real bad.  Let's just hope bears aren't given a month and a half to f*** around with the weather.  To investigate further I present my findings of...

Groundhog Day & Groundhog Day version 2.0 (Feb. 2 & 3) in History accordingly Nick (with help from Wikipedia):

• February 3, 1637- Netherlands goes into "Tulip Mania" after realizing that February 2 would not repeat over and over again, and their tulip bulb contracts had run out and the market collapses. Actual (no, not actual, stupid) quote from that day: "What's that? The tulip bulb prices has collapsed? Bless my clogs! MANIA!!!"
• February 3, 1690- Massachusetts issues the first paper money in America.  Too bad groundhogs can't predict when the pilgrims make it "rain" in the club church.
• February 3, 1834- My Alma Mater was founded as the Wake Forest Manual Labor Institute.  Available majors included Barn Construction, Cotton Gin Maintenance, General Hole Digging Studies, Fence Repair, and a revolutionary double major of Animal Husbandry and Tobacco Farming.
• February 2, 1848- The U.S. dictates to Mexico (makes Mexico sign and provide taco's for refreshment) the Treaty of Guadalupe to end the Mexican-American War and sparking the first USA chants in nearly 30 years and asserting unquestionably that you shouldn't mess with Texas.
• February 2, 1887- First modern Groundhog day is observed in PA, but according the tradition has other dubious roots: "ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator"... see!!! Sacred bears, setting us all up with weather lore, we're screwed.  What if the sacred bear wants winter in July?  What then, Bill Murray???
• February 2, 1913- Grand Central Terminal in NYC is opened, and one can only assume that the first hobo/drifter began panhandling soon after, followed shortly by various street performers and flash mobs.
• February 2, 1935- Liars everywhere find a need to "up their game" as the polygraph machine was first tested.
• February 2, 1971- Forest Whitaker became President of Uganda, for which he won an Oscar for in 2006.  Why the academy waited so long is beyond me...
• February 3, 1972- Iran, after ignoring the warnings various groundhogs and other rodents, is hit with a 7 day blizzard that dropped as much as 10 feet of snow over some villages.
• February 2, 1976- The Groundhog, fed up and bored of just predicting the end of winter, decided to mess with New England and Canada, and dropping the air pressure extremely low, destroying a lighthouse in New Brunswick.
• February 3, 1977- Groundhogs failed to prognosticate the utter-greatness and genius born on this day in the form of Puetro Rican reggaeton singer/rapper (that's right, double threat) Daddy Yankee.
• February 2 (every year)- It's Inventor's day in Thailand, so all you Thai people out there get those thinking caps on, time to invent!
• February 3 (every year)- Get excited, it's Setsubun, a bean-throwing festival celebrated in Japan to scare away the evil from the previous year before the start of spring!

Photo courtesy of Freshman Ski Team captain Emwoods

Nick Goes to NH:  Last weekend I was able to get away from the weekend, and by get away I mean drive due north for 2 hours, attach two planks of carbon-based material to me feet, and hurtle down a mountain somewhat not at all in control of where I was going/who I was going to hit.  In other words, I went skiing for the second time ever.  First off, ski boots are not comfortable (the wambulance is on its way).  For that reason I would contemplate trying snowboarding only because the boots look more comfortable.  Second, I'm probably the best 2-time skier ever, lets just say that if I went skiing on a regular basis, I would be going to the Olympics or could keep up with my friends or would be regular skier (and would still hate ski boots).   I didn't fall off the chair-lift or demolish any small children on the slopes, and I only fell over after stopping on the slopes, aka not "sticking the landing" (barrel roll and sliding into Matty).  Other highlights from the trip include the NH state liquor store in the rest area (FYI: strawberries in the moonshine jar don't taste like strawberries, just burning), pancake-bacon roll-up hybrid with a side of breakfast meats, and through a spontaneous high-stakes game of trivia, instigated by the hostess (holla at chu, Anna),  I learned that the Salvation Army's war cry is "Blood and Fire" (no joke, trivial pursuit circa 1981 was not lying).

In other news, I wish the Bruins got to groundhog day 2.0 last night's effort, as I attended the nonsense that was a 3-0 thrashing the hapless Hurricanes gave the B's.  Although the Canes may have the B's number this year, they can enjoy the golf course while the Bruins are in the playoffs.  That being said, Cam Ward, despite what another patron in Section 308 voraciously remarked, you are a fine goaltender and I'm sure your wife is lovely and not a whore at all.

This weekend also brings us the Super Bowl, and yes, I personally, as a Pats fan, am quite nervous as I don't think I can handle another dose of Eli Manning's confused face somehow winning the Lombardi Trophy for the second time.  That being said, I'm pumped for the Patriots, but refuse to go as far as Giselle in requesting thoughts and prayers for Tom Brady & co.  You can pray and think about whatever you want, people, just don't miss the puppy bowl on Animal Planet, as I'm sure it'll be barn burner.  My picks for the puppy bowl are Hunter the boxer and Brandy the Pit Bull/Collie mix.  As for the big football match, I like the Patriots to take down the Giants in a close one.  Here's hoping for a parade next week...

This week in Bear News: In an attempt to even the odds, Alaska's Board of Game has lifted the ban on aerial shooting of bears.  Now hunters too scared face bears in fair, evening the hunting competitive balance, can cowardly shoot at bears from the safety of an aircraft.  I expect this to spark an arms-race of sorts, ending with flying bears of all types leading to a bear revolution of sorts.  In conclusion, shame on you Alaska's Board of Game, don't realize what you're doing?!?!?! Remember, the sacred bear can make it winter forever...